Hubs and I have gotten some heat over the years since we decided to stay with the 1 1/2 child count. (Bailey, bless her, was a half baked baby.) There are folks who just don't go there because they know the details of what happened with Bailey. There are folks who frankly, just don't consider that.
K- came to us as an incredible blessing. My friend, Holly (the reason for K-'s existence in our family) sent me a link to a blog today. She said that she knew that we were a more than one child family, but thought the posting to be appropriate.
How right she was.
Days before Aunt Donna's death, she told me that, "You could have had more kids, you know." :tip of the head: "I talked with someone about it and they said that you could have had more, you just chose not to have more." :deep breath to contain anger at someone who didn't know me or the circumstances: "Well, we chose to stick with what the doctors and specialists in charge of my care told us to do. When asking the OB in charge of my care at that point what we would do if, God forbid, I would become pregnant again, she said, 'We'd do the best we could and pray.'" Really, there was someone out there telling my aunt that I could have more kids? I understand that my aunt wanted us to adopt more, but it didn't happen. We kept our foster parenting/adoptive license open for 4 years. At the 4 year point, we opted not to renew. That was a choice that took many months and piles of tears to make. It was a choice that we made for us-- for our family. We considered ourselves so blessed. We still do.
So there you have it. In regard to the number of children you have, you need to pray about it and do what is best for you.
To that I say, Amen.
Smiles in my day:
- Being involved in VBS. Though we are at a new church and have decided to go forward for membership, I felt my summer lacking without the hustle and bustle of being deeply entrenched in VBS. I helped to decorate today and have been put in charge of the missions project. My sister will be bringing her kids a few days this week and staying since she lives a ways out, and I am excited for her to check out a new church that may be a good fit for her and her family. We'll be working together as a team (as we normally do) and gathering/counting missions donations together. :)
- Rachael went to the doctor today and found out that her ankle required quite a bit of hardware. She'll be unstapled and casted next week. By my understanding, her healing seems to be on target, though her leg is a bit unsightly at this moment. (By what she says.) That goodness for good insurance and for folks talented enough to fix that stuff.
Have a great weekend!
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Friday, July 20, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Adoptive family ramblings.
K- has always known that she was adopted. It has been built into her life just as knowing that out there in heaven, she has an older sister (Bailey) waiting for her. I'll add that she was rather bummed to find out that she wasn't the first born. I was shocked and kind of giggled at her reaction to birth order. It went something to the effect of, "You mean I WASN'T THE FIRST ONE?!" :giggle: I mean, we refer to her as the only-but-not child. Apparently, K- always considered herself as "the first born" in our house, though in reality, she is firmly planted as a middle child on her somewhat tangled family tree.
K- will on a very rare occasion blurt something adoptive out. Her latest is, "But I don't even know who carried me in their stomach." Still wanting to be not all-inclusive of information regarding drugs, bad choices in life, jail and so forth, I told her, "We have never met her." "Oh." "But, I can tell you that you've been with us since you were a day and a half old. Sometimes God knows when someone has broken parts like I do. God knows what parents he wants to raise a baby, but sometimes he uses two people to get that job done."
Thank you, Purpose Driven Life for help with that one.
Truthfully, that is the case. I dotted my "i's," crossed my "t's" and did absolutely everything that I was supposed to. We planned for Bailey. She, like K-, was a very wanted child. No stone was left unturned, yet it wasn't meant to be. Still, through Holly and Joe, we were given an opportunity to have a child and to have an extended family for that child.
This is going places I didn't expect.
Holly and Joe, as I may have mentioned before, worked with me at a previous sister art galleries. We all went to the great Christmas parties BC (before children) and I knew their struggle with infertility. They walked the road to adoption, have an open adoption with R-'s mom and added L- and D- (K-'s sibs) to their family. When they read the e-mail about our loss, they e-mailed us telling us that they would be thrilled to have Adoption 101 with us one night. (We had mentioned our desire to adopt from the days of dating, so this wasn't offensive.) They knew that their children's birth mother was due to issue another and their house was full. They hooked us up with their home finder, we went to meetings, were finger printed, were accepted into the wild world of county foster-to-adopt and away we went. Holly and Joe were there shortly after K- was placed in our home. Holly was there for court proceedings. Both supported us while we were trying to adopt one of their children's siblings. I tell you, Hubs and I can't ever truly express our appreciation to Holly and Joe for putting us on the right path to family.
Isn't it weird how God works? I mean, we were all schlepping American Craft in old 1820's buildings that had wolf spiders, wood spiders and an infestation of termites and carpenter ants! We spent our first years together wrapped in the scent of incense (yes, I had to walk away a moment, track some down and light it), deadheading the geraniums out front and loving being altogether while being surrounded by the beauty of handcrafted works and the local national park. Holly wanted some major renovations done to their home, but they couldn't afford it. She had told me that she was praying for a tornado.
Wouldn't you know, she got one.
I'll never forget her coming in, Farmer John overall denim shorts on and her announcing, "My house got hit by a tornado." I think that my mouth dropped and I told her that she had been praying for one. Now, tornadoes aren't a regular occurrence around here, but they are rare enough to stand up and take notice. I mean, how is that for a direct line to God? "God, please send me a tornado to my house IN THE VALLEY." By golly, He did. In the end, with lots of hub-bub and crub that Holly and Joe clearly didn't sign up for (dishonest contractor), it all got taken care of. Still, in my tangentiality (is that even a word?) I say, God brought us all together to be all together.
K- and I have talked more about adoption this week. There was an ad on TV from the county children services that we got her from and I watched it with her. A mom had been adopted, was thankful for her mom and was now adopting a county baby. It was good for her to see a circle of adoption. Still, we have more meaty details to eventually share with her. For now, we are taking one small bite at a time.
K- will on a very rare occasion blurt something adoptive out. Her latest is, "But I don't even know who carried me in their stomach." Still wanting to be not all-inclusive of information regarding drugs, bad choices in life, jail and so forth, I told her, "We have never met her." "Oh." "But, I can tell you that you've been with us since you were a day and a half old. Sometimes God knows when someone has broken parts like I do. God knows what parents he wants to raise a baby, but sometimes he uses two people to get that job done."
Thank you, Purpose Driven Life for help with that one.
Truthfully, that is the case. I dotted my "i's," crossed my "t's" and did absolutely everything that I was supposed to. We planned for Bailey. She, like K-, was a very wanted child. No stone was left unturned, yet it wasn't meant to be. Still, through Holly and Joe, we were given an opportunity to have a child and to have an extended family for that child.
This is going places I didn't expect.
Holly and Joe, as I may have mentioned before, worked with me at a previous sister art galleries. We all went to the great Christmas parties BC (before children) and I knew their struggle with infertility. They walked the road to adoption, have an open adoption with R-'s mom and added L- and D- (K-'s sibs) to their family. When they read the e-mail about our loss, they e-mailed us telling us that they would be thrilled to have Adoption 101 with us one night. (We had mentioned our desire to adopt from the days of dating, so this wasn't offensive.) They knew that their children's birth mother was due to issue another and their house was full. They hooked us up with their home finder, we went to meetings, were finger printed, were accepted into the wild world of county foster-to-adopt and away we went. Holly and Joe were there shortly after K- was placed in our home. Holly was there for court proceedings. Both supported us while we were trying to adopt one of their children's siblings. I tell you, Hubs and I can't ever truly express our appreciation to Holly and Joe for putting us on the right path to family.
Isn't it weird how God works? I mean, we were all schlepping American Craft in old 1820's buildings that had wolf spiders, wood spiders and an infestation of termites and carpenter ants! We spent our first years together wrapped in the scent of incense (yes, I had to walk away a moment, track some down and light it), deadheading the geraniums out front and loving being altogether while being surrounded by the beauty of handcrafted works and the local national park. Holly wanted some major renovations done to their home, but they couldn't afford it. She had told me that she was praying for a tornado.
Wouldn't you know, she got one.
I'll never forget her coming in, Farmer John overall denim shorts on and her announcing, "My house got hit by a tornado." I think that my mouth dropped and I told her that she had been praying for one. Now, tornadoes aren't a regular occurrence around here, but they are rare enough to stand up and take notice. I mean, how is that for a direct line to God? "God, please send me a tornado to my house IN THE VALLEY." By golly, He did. In the end, with lots of hub-bub and crub that Holly and Joe clearly didn't sign up for (dishonest contractor), it all got taken care of. Still, in my tangentiality (is that even a word?) I say, God brought us all together to be all together.
K- and I have talked more about adoption this week. There was an ad on TV from the county children services that we got her from and I watched it with her. A mom had been adopted, was thankful for her mom and was now adopting a county baby. It was good for her to see a circle of adoption. Still, we have more meaty details to eventually share with her. For now, we are taking one small bite at a time.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The "All About Me" bag.
When I called to check in with K- on Tuesday afternoon, my mother-in-law said that she was in the basement gathering items for her "All About Me" bag that she was to take to school the very next day. When K- arrived home, I saw that she had placed a wooden butterfly that she had painted for her grandma, a ball and a deck of Old Maid cards. Here at home, she scurried around to find an assortment of items to include. Items placed in the paper lunch sack are, but possibly not completely, limited to the following:
1. A Star Wars DS game box. She wanted to take the game, but I vetoed that. I told her the box was well more than enough.
2. The movie, Tangled.
3. A Toy Story book.
4. The "Kitties in the basket" matryoshka.
5. A handful of Barbie stickers.
6. A rock from the back yard.
7. Frog and rainbow erasers.
8. The letter she received from Buddy, her Elf a Shelf, last Christmas Eve.
9. A picture of her friend, D-, who she will probably date someday.
10. A lenticular postcard of the Statue of Liberty. As you flick it, her hips sway back and forth.
11. A signed, computer-generated certificate from the adoptive unit of the county that we adopted her from, congratulating her on forever becoming a part of our family.
12. Her adoption photo that had to be retaken because of faulty film. Never mind that the tied the dress sash over her upper arm and it looks like she is trapped. Didn't notice that until after the photos were all cut and half handed out. Oh well. It's a good story.
The adoption certificate brought up a good conversation. "So K-, what are you going to share with the class about adoption?"
"That it's good."
"Well, that's a good thing, but what if they ask you about when you came to be with us? They might wonder. You know, you didn't live in my stomach."
"I know that. But the lady who's stomach I did live in-- what about her?"
"Doll, I can tell you this. We never met her. She knew that she couldn't take care of you, so she left you at the hospital with all of the doctors and nurses because she knew you would be safe there. That's how we got the call and were able to come pick you up. We're very thankful for her decision to do what was right and to make sure you were well taken care of."
She grabbed me up and hugged me. This morning, she woke up and told me that she was going to share with the class that the best thing in her bag was her adoption and that she loved her mom and dad the best.
God bless that little kid.
Smiles in my day:
- The Russian Festival is on my list for the end of the day. My friend, C-, and I are going to go. "So, C-, do you want to go be Russian?" She stopped dead in her tracks, a smile from ear to ear and then I heard, "ABSOLUTELY!" We've gone together in the past and had a really nice time. To go, you must be patient. Generally, C-, stands in the food line as I go to hit up the matryoshka table for K-. We meet back up, bet our pierogie on and live the rest of the evening in a cholesterol induced coma. More delicious than I can explain. Yum. Actually, y.u.m. :sigh:
- K- so excited that she has a pioneer outfit to wear this weekend. Last year, we helped Hubs with his pioneer festival. We have a gold panning game we help Hubs do, and last year K- had to wear her school uniform. This year she'll go as Laura Ingalls. (The child has the braidable hair for it.) I'm sure Hubs will bring my yardages of fabric home for me to wear. Last year, I was so confused by the amount of fabric, that I had to go have my neighbor help me. "Michelle, can you help me get dressed?" All she could do was laugh. My cam boot won't be of period dress, but they'll just have to ignore it.
Have a great day!
1. A Star Wars DS game box. She wanted to take the game, but I vetoed that. I told her the box was well more than enough.
2. The movie, Tangled.
3. A Toy Story book.
4. The "Kitties in the basket" matryoshka.
5. A handful of Barbie stickers.
6. A rock from the back yard.
7. Frog and rainbow erasers.
8. The letter she received from Buddy, her Elf a Shelf, last Christmas Eve.
9. A picture of her friend, D-, who she will probably date someday.
10. A lenticular postcard of the Statue of Liberty. As you flick it, her hips sway back and forth.
11. A signed, computer-generated certificate from the adoptive unit of the county that we adopted her from, congratulating her on forever becoming a part of our family.
12. Her adoption photo that had to be retaken because of faulty film. Never mind that the tied the dress sash over her upper arm and it looks like she is trapped. Didn't notice that until after the photos were all cut and half handed out. Oh well. It's a good story.
The adoption certificate brought up a good conversation. "So K-, what are you going to share with the class about adoption?"
"That it's good."
"Well, that's a good thing, but what if they ask you about when you came to be with us? They might wonder. You know, you didn't live in my stomach."
"I know that. But the lady who's stomach I did live in-- what about her?"
"Doll, I can tell you this. We never met her. She knew that she couldn't take care of you, so she left you at the hospital with all of the doctors and nurses because she knew you would be safe there. That's how we got the call and were able to come pick you up. We're very thankful for her decision to do what was right and to make sure you were well taken care of."
She grabbed me up and hugged me. This morning, she woke up and told me that she was going to share with the class that the best thing in her bag was her adoption and that she loved her mom and dad the best.
God bless that little kid.
Smiles in my day:
- The Russian Festival is on my list for the end of the day. My friend, C-, and I are going to go. "So, C-, do you want to go be Russian?" She stopped dead in her tracks, a smile from ear to ear and then I heard, "ABSOLUTELY!" We've gone together in the past and had a really nice time. To go, you must be patient. Generally, C-, stands in the food line as I go to hit up the matryoshka table for K-. We meet back up, bet our pierogie on and live the rest of the evening in a cholesterol induced coma. More delicious than I can explain. Yum. Actually, y.u.m. :sigh:
- K- so excited that she has a pioneer outfit to wear this weekend. Last year, we helped Hubs with his pioneer festival. We have a gold panning game we help Hubs do, and last year K- had to wear her school uniform. This year she'll go as Laura Ingalls. (The child has the braidable hair for it.) I'm sure Hubs will bring my yardages of fabric home for me to wear. Last year, I was so confused by the amount of fabric, that I had to go have my neighbor help me. "Michelle, can you help me get dressed?" All she could do was laugh. My cam boot won't be of period dress, but they'll just have to ignore it.
Have a great day!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Wendy's Wonderful Kids: One frosty at a time.
Every year now, we purchase the Frosty coupon books for our Halloween trick or treat givies because,
"90 cents of every $1.00 booklet sold between 9/16/11 and 10/31/11 will be donated to support programs like Wendy's Wonderful Kids, a signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. . . . You are [also] supporting Wendy's cause of helping foster care children find loving, permanent homes. "
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Lots of things. Lots of stuff. Lots more whatnot.
Rachael thought something was wrong. I normally post. Rachael and I normally e-mail back and forth at least a time or two a day.
The box? It has been silent.
I'll re-run to give you a look at what all has been going on.
Friday was dough day.
Saturday was baking day. The stove was on from 9 AM - 7:30 PM. I held to my promise. What was baked was baked. Brownies didn't make the cut this year and neither did chocolate covered pretzels, but all is well.
Sunday was church, then home to work on birthday preparations, bundling cookies and getting bags assembled to take to my parents house so that every gift (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) were delivered and out of my house.
Sunday evening was birthday party set-up. Our church has an additional building on the property that they built about 15 years ago. It is a multi-purpose building. It is a carpeted gymnasium with a stage, and kitchen. They had a big screen that we could bring down and they loaned us their projector.
I worked until 4 PM on Monday, then went on to more party prep. I would have 25 children and a variety of parents on hand for the party. We had a big screen viewing of Willy Wonka, pizza, rainbow cupcakes and other treats and things to eat. Everyone had a great time and K- really loved being able to spend time with all her friends.
Tuesday was the day that K- had an American Girl Tea Party date with her friend, E-. Now K- and E- have been friends since birth and the girls have never once fought about anything. The reports that have come back from Adam and Nora that K- was delightful and the girls had a great time. Makes my heart happy.
I worked all day on Tuesday. Monday we were slammed, but Tuesday was a little more on the steady side. I was able to step out and meet up with Paul. Paul is the massage therapist that the boss' hire for us. On Monday, Paul massaged my hands. While doing that, I asked if he could tell the handedness of someone without them telling so and he said that he pretty much could. He said that I was ambidextrous, which I've always kind of known.
More about Paul and the work that he does. He found that my back was hurting when I hadn't even realized. When he started touching, I could see how tender it was and he went to work.
Today, my back is aching. Deep tissue work hurts. It works, but it hurts.
Speaking of today, we were busy. It was delightful, though. I ended up being the big order desk. I ran the back counter almost all on my own and ended up pulling in over $2100.00 in sales nearly all on my own. (No, we get no commission and I'm quite fine with that.) I had one couple buy $490.00 worth of things that needed to be individually gift wrapped. They had at least 20 items, so I sent them on to lunch and announced that I was out of commission until I was done. I knew that it would take me at least an hour. (About half were things that were very breakable.) I got everything done and called the gentleman to let him know that it was ready to be picked up. He said that he had just signed his lunch check and was happy to return. I told him that I worked it that way on purpose. ;)
I was busy up until the bitter end, drove on home to my people waiting for me to go to see the Christmas lights. Today is Happy Home Day for K-, so we celebrate by going to see Christmas lights every year. (Happy Home Day is often referred to as "Gotcha Day" by many others. Happy Home Day is the day that K- arrived to be with our family. We always give her the tale of how she got to be ours and often make a trip past "her hospital.") We had a great time.
Tomorrow we will sleep in. Hubs has made the request that the alarm is not turned on. (I always turn it on even on days that I don't work!) Sleeping in may be to 7:30 - 8 AM, but anything will do. We have plans on building the gingerbread house. I'll finish assembling the cookie gifts that I'll have for K- to distribute throughout the neighborhood on Friday.
See? I haven't been ignoring you!
Smiles in my days:
- Sprinkled in above.
Have a great day!
The box? It has been silent.
I'll re-run to give you a look at what all has been going on.
Friday was dough day.
Saturday was baking day. The stove was on from 9 AM - 7:30 PM. I held to my promise. What was baked was baked. Brownies didn't make the cut this year and neither did chocolate covered pretzels, but all is well.
Sunday was church, then home to work on birthday preparations, bundling cookies and getting bags assembled to take to my parents house so that every gift (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) were delivered and out of my house.
Sunday evening was birthday party set-up. Our church has an additional building on the property that they built about 15 years ago. It is a multi-purpose building. It is a carpeted gymnasium with a stage, and kitchen. They had a big screen that we could bring down and they loaned us their projector.
I worked until 4 PM on Monday, then went on to more party prep. I would have 25 children and a variety of parents on hand for the party. We had a big screen viewing of Willy Wonka, pizza, rainbow cupcakes and other treats and things to eat. Everyone had a great time and K- really loved being able to spend time with all her friends.
Tuesday was the day that K- had an American Girl Tea Party date with her friend, E-. Now K- and E- have been friends since birth and the girls have never once fought about anything. The reports that have come back from Adam and Nora that K- was delightful and the girls had a great time. Makes my heart happy.
I worked all day on Tuesday. Monday we were slammed, but Tuesday was a little more on the steady side. I was able to step out and meet up with Paul. Paul is the massage therapist that the boss' hire for us. On Monday, Paul massaged my hands. While doing that, I asked if he could tell the handedness of someone without them telling so and he said that he pretty much could. He said that I was ambidextrous, which I've always kind of known.
More about Paul and the work that he does. He found that my back was hurting when I hadn't even realized. When he started touching, I could see how tender it was and he went to work.
Today, my back is aching. Deep tissue work hurts. It works, but it hurts.
Speaking of today, we were busy. It was delightful, though. I ended up being the big order desk. I ran the back counter almost all on my own and ended up pulling in over $2100.00 in sales nearly all on my own. (No, we get no commission and I'm quite fine with that.) I had one couple buy $490.00 worth of things that needed to be individually gift wrapped. They had at least 20 items, so I sent them on to lunch and announced that I was out of commission until I was done. I knew that it would take me at least an hour. (About half were things that were very breakable.) I got everything done and called the gentleman to let him know that it was ready to be picked up. He said that he had just signed his lunch check and was happy to return. I told him that I worked it that way on purpose. ;)
I was busy up until the bitter end, drove on home to my people waiting for me to go to see the Christmas lights. Today is Happy Home Day for K-, so we celebrate by going to see Christmas lights every year. (Happy Home Day is often referred to as "Gotcha Day" by many others. Happy Home Day is the day that K- arrived to be with our family. We always give her the tale of how she got to be ours and often make a trip past "her hospital.") We had a great time.
Tomorrow we will sleep in. Hubs has made the request that the alarm is not turned on. (I always turn it on even on days that I don't work!) Sleeping in may be to 7:30 - 8 AM, but anything will do. We have plans on building the gingerbread house. I'll finish assembling the cookie gifts that I'll have for K- to distribute throughout the neighborhood on Friday.
See? I haven't been ignoring you!
Smiles in my days:
- Sprinkled in above.
Have a great day!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
We are a Plan A and not a band aid.
I read this post after being directed there from a post at We Are THAT Family. My comment on We Are THAT Family was:
Kristen responded saying that she had hoped that she didn't offend. I wouldn't say that she offended, I just strongly disagree. That's okay. Opinions are perfectly fine. I don't expect for people to agree with me all the time, either.
Hubs and I believed that we made a choice for adoption, but I really think that adoption chose us. It was a part of us from the very. first. night. we dated. Period. I don't quite know how we got onto the subject, but we did. Neither one of us were up for shopping. I had dated a few people-- pure and utter duds-- and Hubs hadn't dated at all. We were both shopping for marriage material, not dating around. Neither one of us were created for that. We had very involved, very specific conversations from the beginning, talking of our hopes and dreams.
Adoption is not for everyone. It's just not. There are folks out there that have commented to me about "raising someone else's child." Well, if you look at it that way, perhaps adoption isn't for you. It's not a horrible thing to say. It's all good. I know I wouldn't be mad at you. Just like Kristen. She's on the fence about adoption. It was probably cleansing for her to get that out there. For her, she sees that sponsoring a multitude of children would make a bigger impact than adopting one. For her, it is a band aid. That's cool.
To the defense of Kristen and the original blogger (Mom of the Tongginator), I get what they are trying to say. We live in a fallen world. Kids being without families is a result of that. I get that. Our child was a product of sin. Her birth status is not pretty on paper. It did not make her a highly desirable child to adopt. Because of her birth status-- the sin that conceived and further housed her for 9 months in a haze of crack-- the State of Ohio considers K- to be a "special needs child."
I can't help but to know that God kept K- safe from the circumstances that she was housed in. He chose her birth mother to carry her physically for us. He kept her safely wrapped in his arms the whole time.
I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born. Isaiah 44:2a (CEV)
Thoughts?
I actually completely disagree with adoption being a band aid. I am an adoptive mom to a domestically adopted child that was born to a drug addicted, homeless prostitute. While my child was a product of sin, I believe that she was fully intended to live with us. For us, God had us take our faith to places I didn't think. We placed our trust, our prayers, our faith into a crack addicted basket. We had to trust (a county adoption, so we knew that our child would be removed from the mother) and know that God had it all laid out for us.
I am not a band aid. I am a mother. I am caring for the child that God intended for us to have. He knew that my parts were broken. Through me, family members benefited from the genetic testing that I had done and they were able to have babies. I was not. We are all alive, though. It is through adoption that my husband and I have a wonderful testimony to share with others on how God has worked in our lives and in the life of K-.
I can't help but to know that we were and still are His plan A.
May 13, 2010 5:37 PM
Kristen responded saying that she had hoped that she didn't offend. I wouldn't say that she offended, I just strongly disagree. That's okay. Opinions are perfectly fine. I don't expect for people to agree with me all the time, either.
Hubs and I believed that we made a choice for adoption, but I really think that adoption chose us. It was a part of us from the very. first. night. we dated. Period. I don't quite know how we got onto the subject, but we did. Neither one of us were up for shopping. I had dated a few people-- pure and utter duds-- and Hubs hadn't dated at all. We were both shopping for marriage material, not dating around. Neither one of us were created for that. We had very involved, very specific conversations from the beginning, talking of our hopes and dreams.
Adoption is not for everyone. It's just not. There are folks out there that have commented to me about "raising someone else's child." Well, if you look at it that way, perhaps adoption isn't for you. It's not a horrible thing to say. It's all good. I know I wouldn't be mad at you. Just like Kristen. She's on the fence about adoption. It was probably cleansing for her to get that out there. For her, she sees that sponsoring a multitude of children would make a bigger impact than adopting one. For her, it is a band aid. That's cool.
To the defense of Kristen and the original blogger (Mom of the Tongginator), I get what they are trying to say. We live in a fallen world. Kids being without families is a result of that. I get that. Our child was a product of sin. Her birth status is not pretty on paper. It did not make her a highly desirable child to adopt. Because of her birth status-- the sin that conceived and further housed her for 9 months in a haze of crack-- the State of Ohio considers K- to be a "special needs child."
I can't help but to know that God kept K- safe from the circumstances that she was housed in. He chose her birth mother to carry her physically for us. He kept her safely wrapped in his arms the whole time.
I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born. Isaiah 44:2a (CEV)
From The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren:
You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life was no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, He expected it.
Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you!
God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality. The Bible says, "You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."
Most amazing, God decided how you would be born.Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn't matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom "you" he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.
Thoughts?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I am so excited!
All of you know that my husband and I have hearts for adoption. We are advocates for domestic adoption, as that is where our hearts called us. (It's not to say that there is anything wrong with international adoption. It was just not the path for us.)
Sandra Bullock is adopting a domestic baby from New Orleans!
I AM JUMPING FOR JOY INSIDE!
Why is her adoption such a big deal to me? It is because celebrities have pull. When they do something like helping storm victims, calling attention to mistreatment, and adopting babies, people stand up and listen. Wow! How this will bring to light all of the children in our very own country-- in our own backyards-- that are equally as homeless as other children in other countries. These children have unfortunately been the victims of abuse, they have been hungry, they have seen things in life that they shouldn't have. That is here. That is in America.
I am so thrilled that we now have a celebrity face of domestic adoption. She has been so quiet about it. Instead of thrusting this child into the limelight, she went about it in stealth mode.
He is gorgeous. He is so lucky.
To see more Hollywood adoptions, click here.
Smiles in my day:
- Despite the horrible cramps that woke me at 2:30 AM, I slept through the night. The previous night, I had not.
- The rain stopped, so K- and I were able to walk to school this morning.
Have a great day!
Sandra Bullock is adopting a domestic baby from New Orleans!
I AM JUMPING FOR JOY INSIDE!
Why is her adoption such a big deal to me? It is because celebrities have pull. When they do something like helping storm victims, calling attention to mistreatment, and adopting babies, people stand up and listen. Wow! How this will bring to light all of the children in our very own country-- in our own backyards-- that are equally as homeless as other children in other countries. These children have unfortunately been the victims of abuse, they have been hungry, they have seen things in life that they shouldn't have. That is here. That is in America.
I am so thrilled that we now have a celebrity face of domestic adoption. She has been so quiet about it. Instead of thrusting this child into the limelight, she went about it in stealth mode.
He is gorgeous. He is so lucky.
To see more Hollywood adoptions, click here.
Smiles in my day:
- Despite the horrible cramps that woke me at 2:30 AM, I slept through the night. The previous night, I had not.
- The rain stopped, so K- and I were able to walk to school this morning.
Have a great day!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Unlike bottles, there is no cash deposit upon return.
A pet peeve of mine. Folks, the kids aren't store merchandise. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!
Previously, I've made my feelings clear at the bottom of this post. The child. Oh my heart.
Previously, I've made my feelings clear at the bottom of this post. The child. Oh my heart.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Our birthday wish for you . . .
. . . May the force be with you. Have a wonderful 6th birthday, baby girl! Happy, happy 5th anniversary of your adoption, too! We are so glad that you are ours!Saturday, November 21, 2009
National Adoption Day, 2009
To our goofy little girl who has changed our lives forever,God had a plan for us. He knew that you were our child before you even drew your first breath. He kept you safe with the doctors and nurses for the weekend until we heard that you were here. He helped us to jump through all the hoops to make you legally our child. What a great gift God gave to us. Thank you for being our wonderful little girl!
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
National Adoption Day is a day to celebrate all adopted children finding their forever families! K-'s actual adoption day fell on her very first birthday, December 20, 2004. It was so neat that it fell on her birthday! What a great first birthday gift! :)
For information regarding domestic county adoption or foster parenting, please contact your local Children's Board of Services.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Works for Me Wednesday: Adoption Process Tips
Everyone who stops in here pretty much knows that adoption is near and dear to our hearts. More specifically, we are advocates for domestic county adoption -- they are right in your backyard -- though adoption in general is just a wonderful thing.Our adoption was through the county just south of us and what we did was Foster to Adopt. What that means is that when K- was born, the hospital reported her birth status to the county, they filed for temporary custody (emergency if memory serves) and she came to live with us. She was foster only at this time. Her first week with us was a flurry of caseworker visits (3 total) and a doctor's well visit. (Required to be done the first week a child is with you.) We had a hearing in mid-January that was optional for us to attend, but we were able to meet K-'s Guardian et Litem. The county was awarded temporary custody, then the move was to get permanent custody. Monthly, we had a few workers stop in to check on K-. We eventually gained permanent custody, despite the timing with the paperwork issue, then onward to adoptive status. Early on, we did have one worker give me a tip. I'm adding the others that we found particularly helpful.
1. Keep track of the birth mother via the public record. -- Every state (I think) has online access to the public record. This gives accounts of arrests, court dates and so forth. I would check the record a couple of times a week. If there was a new entry, I would e-mail our worker immediately.
2. Be seen often. -- An optional court date? Go. A review hearing that you don't have to attend if you don't want to? Go. Hubs and I were determined to have the county see our smiling faces as much as humanly possible.
3. Keep impeccable records. -- When we got K-, she was a day and a half old. Keeping records for her was easy, as I just kept an incredibly detailed baby calendar for her. She had a doctor's visit? I recorded it, for what reason, the measurements taken that day and if a follow-up was needed. All case worker visits were listed. Any milestones were recorded. Any new places or fun things we did were listed. She went to the voting booth with me that year (it was a presidential election) and I placed my voting sticker in there. They knew that we were very involved as a family, I had all kinds of memorabilia and whatnot. No questions asked. The worker was so excited when we were wrapping up our paperwork to move onto ADOPTIVE STATUS! that she actually copied the entire calendar so that she could show her clients.
4. Tackle paperwork like a life depends on it. -- Really, this statement is completely true. Our adoptive worker, the one who copied the calendar, commented that she could be to our house on Monday, give me a stack of papers 2" thick to fill out and she knew that it would be in her box by Wednesday. I pushed papers. My husband said that he was stunned with the intensity that I had when tackling the adoptive paperwork. The sooner I got it handled and back into their hands, the quicker we got through the system.
5. Put your big city girl boots on and talk to everyone that you need to at the county. -- Seriously. The county knew that I made no bones about calling or e-mailing. Usually, I would e-mail, as I knew that they had so many cases and that really, we were a cut and dry case. We had to go through the motions (K- was the 7th child, after all) because really they had it streamlined by the time K- came along. It still didn't mean that it didn't need to be handled. When our Guardian failed to turn paperwork in on time and K-'s permanent custody case was appealed (ARRRGGGHH!), I called the CSB attorney. I don't think that is typical for a parent, but he could see with what extreme seriousness we were taking our case. I spoke to department head to address the concerns that I had with the homestudy. Our homestudy was handed over to an independent contractor and she came, took the information and was lolly gagging on getting the report filled out. I complained and magically, the report appeared.
6. Keep all appointments. -- You only delay the process if you don't keep the scheduled visits and so forth. Sure, it can be a bit of a pain to have people traipsing in and out of your house all the time, but this is a part of it that you signed up for. Look at it this way, it is a built in house cleaning plan.
7. If you choose to call your child a name other than the given name, remember to call them by their birth name when official folks are present. -- K-'s name is not her birth name. There was no romantic reason for us to keep the birth name. We chose K-'s name for a few different reasons, but that didn't mean that we could call her that to the workers or in court. Sure, the first thing that the workers asked when they entered after K-'s arrival was "so, what are you naming her?" (Her birth name was very misspelled and a bit street, as my social worker friend told me.) The pediatrician that saw her the first time asked that, too. However, as much as the workers understand that you are changing the name, the courts like you to refer to the child by their legal name until adoptive status is reached. Then you can call name them mud, if you want!
8. Be extremely appreciative. -- Honestly, these folks are overworked and underpaid. If you are taking a child into your home, chances are that they are only visiting as a formality. Really, they look at your house as a place to hang out, take a deep breath and be glad that they don't have to worry about roaches, fleas or other creepy crawlies, abuse, neglect or other bizarre things. There were times that we found that it was more of a therapeutic dump session for them. During those times, I (it was mostly just me) got a little bit of a window into what their work was really like. It is because of all of these meetings that I'm as hyperspastic about K- as I am. (Hubs, too.)
9. Keep up to date on coursework. -- Don't try to crash all the required upkeep hours in a week. Take classes that seem interesting to you, not ones that you are taking just to log in the hours. Take it as an opportunity to learn. Take it as an opportunity to network with other parents. Give honest feedback. Help the county to know what worked and what didn't with the class. Really, most of the classes that we took were really good.
K-'s adoption day was exactly two days shy of her 1 year anniversary of being with us. Her adoption day? It fell on her very first birthday. I still get weepy just thinking about it.
Truly, I cannot say enough about how much adoption has touched our hearts. Whether it be private, county, domestic or international, know that the children who need homes didn't ask to be in their situation. They are little victims of circumstance. Their parents, for whatever reason, have been deemed as not the best guardian for them. Even if it is not your heart's calling to adopt, please pray for all of the children that need homes. There are so many children without parents, here and abroad, that the number is just shocking. They need moms. They need dads. They need love. Even if fostering is what you are interested in, a positive launching pad stays with a child for a lifetime. You may be the first positive reinforcement in their lives that they ever got. Though sometimes they may not say it at the time, believe me when I say that you will stay in their hearts forever. Fostering is a gift that makes my eyes well in tears. So many stories I heard of from folks who only fostered, fostered so many and were able to see children, otherwise broken and bruised physically and/or mentally, turn around and be productive and wonderful citizens. Please remember these children. They have been through so much.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
K-'s Annual Bamily Easter Egg Hunt
No, it isn't a typo. My child replaces her "f" sound with "b." She has always done that and the title has just kind of stuck.
Anyway. K-'s siblings are coming over today! They are! We are having the annual Easter Egg hunt. I filled the eggs, and admit that it took me about 3 hours to do. There are 375 of them. I counted. So what's in them? Oh, things I've picked up over the last few months. Little kaleidoscopes, bouncy balls, stickers, tattoos, rings, maze games, pop-up flowers, rings with lip gloss in them, hair ties, army men, sets of jacks, spinny tops, erasers, little pastel colored binder clips, Sixlets (a favorite of mine!), Sponge Bob Easter crabby patties, gum balls (individually wrapped), Starburst, and Cry Baby Sour Gum Balls.
We all get together, have a good hunt (but they always miss some, so I usually find them through August!), go in and shell the eggs for loot (yes, I save the eggs and reuse them), then have a nice lunch together. What am I making? My Sweet Kielbasa Chili. I picked the ingredients up for it on Friday, have pre-cooked some things and have it cooking now. It's good stuff. Since I end up making a vat of it (or at least my largest crockpot full), I really need to make it for a lot of people. I can't eat that much of it on my own in just a few days time. My heartburn alone would beg to differ. Besides, Hubs can't eat it. So sad. He'll have a soy burger.
We'll be watching the movie "Easter Bunny is Coming To Town," as well as decorating their own cupcakes and having a bunny building Play Doh contest.
So, think of me on Sunday afternoon as I have 5 extra kids with their egg collecting buckets excitedly descending upon our home. Remember, I'm used to only one.
It'll be so much fun. We can't wait! K- has been jumping up and down for days in eager anticipation. She loves her BAMILY!
** I forgot to add-- family you ask? K- has a sibling relationship with 3 of her older siblings. J- is 9, L- is 7 and D- is 6. We consider the sibs of J-, L- and D- siblings as well, so we have R- who is 9- and Z- who I believe is 8. Yes, the branches on K-'s family tree definitely branch out a little farther than the general most, but we're good with that! :)
Day 16: Love intercedes. Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. -- 3 John 2
Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.
Anyway. K-'s siblings are coming over today! They are! We are having the annual Easter Egg hunt. I filled the eggs, and admit that it took me about 3 hours to do. There are 375 of them. I counted. So what's in them? Oh, things I've picked up over the last few months. Little kaleidoscopes, bouncy balls, stickers, tattoos, rings, maze games, pop-up flowers, rings with lip gloss in them, hair ties, army men, sets of jacks, spinny tops, erasers, little pastel colored binder clips, Sixlets (a favorite of mine!), Sponge Bob Easter crabby patties, gum balls (individually wrapped), Starburst, and Cry Baby Sour Gum Balls.
We all get together, have a good hunt (but they always miss some, so I usually find them through August!), go in and shell the eggs for loot (yes, I save the eggs and reuse them), then have a nice lunch together. What am I making? My Sweet Kielbasa Chili. I picked the ingredients up for it on Friday, have pre-cooked some things and have it cooking now. It's good stuff. Since I end up making a vat of it (or at least my largest crockpot full), I really need to make it for a lot of people. I can't eat that much of it on my own in just a few days time. My heartburn alone would beg to differ. Besides, Hubs can't eat it. So sad. He'll have a soy burger.
We'll be watching the movie "Easter Bunny is Coming To Town," as well as decorating their own cupcakes and having a bunny building Play Doh contest.
So, think of me on Sunday afternoon as I have 5 extra kids with their egg collecting buckets excitedly descending upon our home. Remember, I'm used to only one.
It'll be so much fun. We can't wait! K- has been jumping up and down for days in eager anticipation. She loves her BAMILY!
** I forgot to add-- family you ask? K- has a sibling relationship with 3 of her older siblings. J- is 9, L- is 7 and D- is 6. We consider the sibs of J-, L- and D- siblings as well, so we have R- who is 9- and Z- who I believe is 8. Yes, the branches on K-'s family tree definitely branch out a little farther than the general most, but we're good with that! :)
Day 16: Love intercedes. Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. -- 3 John 2
Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tales from the Trenches: Adoptive Comments
My husband and I have always been completely open with the details of K-'s adoption. Our feeling was that if there was someone out there that we could help, we would. In fact, we have. Along the way, we've had some really dumb stuff said to us.
"There's no way I could ever adopt." -- I understand this, as adoption is not for everyone. However, we had the husband of a good friend of mine say it to my husband. I had my hair stylist say it to me, all the while she was in the throes of infertility. (Though good to know her limitations.) We also had our Christian tax man tell us that as he was preparing our taxes the first year that we had K-. He was also unaware of the details of the adoption credit-- the largest tax credit available in the United States-- and seemed not interested in finding out what he would need to know. We fired him.
As I said, we understand that adoption is not for everyone, but everyone knew the pain and the details of what we went through and the final joy of where we were at. They just needed to keep their big fat pie holes shut.
"I could never imagine raising someone else's child." -- Don't worry. They aren't someone else's child, that is unless that is how you treat it. We view K- as a complete and utter gift from God. Truly, that child was held and kept safe only by Heavenly hands themselves. With everything that her birth mom had been involved in, there was major Heavenly protection. K- has been with us since she was a day and a half old. We are the only parents that she has ever known.
"Oh! You adopted! Where did you get your baby from?!" "The county south of us." "Oh." -- I understand that I am going to offend some people with this statement. Just hear me out. We did not adopt to be viewed as heroic. We adopted to be a family. I doubt that there are many adoptive parents that do adopt for a title of being heroic. We adopted because it was our hearts calling. Our hearts calling was to domestic adoption. We knew that we specifically wanted a county adoption, as we felt that those children were those most left behind. However, so many times we were given the unexcited "oh" when we said that we adopted a county kid. People want to hear stories of how you trudged out to far off lands, went by boat, Jeep, and critter caravan to get out to some remote location. It's like we disappointed people by saying that we were "in and out of labor and delivery in an hour."
"It's so much harder to adopt here than it is internationally." -- Untrue. Totally and completely untrue. We had friends that started their road to international adoption about three weeks after we started on our domestic, county adoption. Initially, they chose to adopt from China. They were both under the age of 30, which was too young for Chinese adoption standards. Then they chose Haiti. They flew to Haiti to pick out a daughter from an orphanage. They went through the adoptive coursework through an adoption agency, had all of their shots, home inspections, passports and the whole nine yards all together. The daughter that they chose? W- is still in Haiti. They couldn't get her out. Political unrest makes it far too dangerous for the director of the orphanage that W- resides in to be able to take the paperwork into Port Au Prince. Then they chose Ethiopia. They got an e-mail about their son L-. They were given 2 weeks to go to get him. They pulled everything around and successfully got there and back. He was 22 months old. He and K- are one week apart in birthdays. He was sick. He had worms. He had Giardia. He had Latent TB that caused him to be on medications for 9 months. He was tiny. His teeth will be a continued project for them, as they show that his nutrition in utero was less than wonderful. He came with baggage. L- is a good kid. He is friends with K-. He has a great family that is supportive, but he has some issues to work through. We are fortunate to have an adoptive health center at our local children's hospital that has helped our friends to work through the health issues that L- has had. He is well and developing right on target.
[While standing in line at funeral calling hours, a church member turned to me and started speaking about the daughter's of the gentleman who passed away. One had adopted two children and one had one child by birth.] "You know, B- was the ONLY daughter to give him a grandchild by birth." My response? "Yes, and what does that matter?" Her response? "Oh, look who I'm talking to." -- In other words, she forgot that I was an adoptive parent. I could see how that could happen as K- has just been with us for all but 36 hours of her life. However in forgetting that little fact, she was honest in how her heart felt. How so sad.
"Oh, you can have more children!" -- Um, no. When the doctor tells you after you say, "God forbid, should I get pregnant again what do we do?" Her response was, "We'll take care of you the best that we can and pray." I was given a 90% chance of severe pre-eclampsia reoccurring. Nothing is going to make my blood clotting disorders-- which caused all of the problems that lead to Bailey's death-- go away. We could have attempted heroic measures, but again-- we always knew we would adopt. To us, it wasn't a last ditch. We knew that we would always adopt, period. It took 11 1/2 months for me to get pregnant with Bailey. We had already decided that if it was a tweak with vitamins here or there, it would all be good. We would not take fertility treatments. For us, there were plenty of children that needed good homes and it wasn't a requirement that they have our genes. Again, no offense to those who have gone the fertility drug route. It is not the route for everyone, though.
"I could never trust someone else's genes." My response? "Yes, well sometimes your own genes aren't an option. Besides, your own genes are a crap-shoot as well." -- In the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren there is Chapter 2. I called it K-'s adoption chapter. It is entitled "You are not an accident." It talked about how God knew exactly who your parents would be, regardless of whether those would be the actual people God meant to raise you. I cried so hard when I read that chapter. When I read it aloud to Hubs, I couldn't even see the words on the page. I have an absolutely wonderful, albeit cranky kid sometimes, that is beautiful and surprisingly looks like my husband. She has big green eyes, long light brown hair, is tall, a solid build and athletic. We laugh and say that breaking away from the gene pool was a good thing for her. (Neither my husband or I are particularly athletic. Okay, Hubs isn't that bad. Me? I'm dreadful. I can hammer a volleyball really well, but outside of that-- I've got nuthin'.)
"Aren't you so glad that she is white? I mean, it makes your life so much easier." -- I could have absolutely fallen over when I was told this. It was a family member who said this and it was the first time that she was holding K-. K- was a few months old at this time and I did about die. "No. It made no difference to us." It did make a difference to family members though. We made no bones about telling people that we did not care what the race of the child was that we would have placed with us. We also made no gender specification. In the beginning, we had family members give us brochures on international adoption because to adopt an African-American baby, "What would the family think?" "I don't care. If they have an issue with it, that is their own problem. If we have a child of a different race and they are treated differently, we will not be in attendance at family functions." Oh, this flew like a giant lead balloon. My mother had a concern, but I appreciated her asking it. We wanted to have anyone ask anything that they wanted so that we could be forthright and honest with our answers. We wanted to lay everything out that we could on the line so that there were few surprises to family members when our bundle of adopted, lovin' goodness arrived. Mom asked, "If you adopt a biracial baby, then who would they marry? I mean, what if they married into an African-American family?" "We could care less. Just as we don't care about what race our child is, we do not care about the race of who they marry. What we do care about is that whomever it is that they marry, that person treats them wonderfully. Besides, they wouldn't be the only biracial child out there anyhow." At least with my mother asking, we were able to have a conversation bringing up how we want to raise our child. By the way, my mother was the same one who encouraged us to take K-'s biracial brother on a temporary foster basis when K- was only 18 months old. He was born a preemie and had some health issues. She had changed her ideas quickly and wanted us to take him for even just a few weeks, so that K- would have the opportunity to have a sibling in home. Family was interested in having him, which is where he is now. My mom and dad got over their prejudice nature very quick, which needed to be done quite some time ago.
I had the father of a friend pull me aside as we were visiting his daughter-in-law at the hospital to give me his opinion of telling K- that she was adopted. He thought that it was insane and not necessary. "Why would I not tell her? It is a part of the story of how she came to us." He told me about how he felt that it was unnecessary and would make her feel different. "How do I explain the siblings that we have a relationship with?" Oh, he was not in favor of the open family/sibling relationship, either. For us, it is K-'s family. They are their own hodge-podge of kids, but she can look at someone-- particularly her sister J--- and know that there is someone out there that she looks like. She knows that they are her family. The kids have a unique bond. The siblings of sibs are treated just like blood brothers and sisters, as well. To us, brothers and sisters don't come in halves-- they are whole. K-'s whole family is a different structure than what the general most have, but we are thrilled that she has biological family ties.
Please don't think that all the feedback on adoption we've received is negative. This is just a small example of things that I beg everyone not to say. We love our babies. Our parts may be broken. Our parts may not be broken. However, it was all of our hearts desire to adopt a child, bring them into our homes and give them a wonderful life. They are our children. They've always been our children. We just needed the court of law to give us the legal paperwork that says that.
"There's no way I could ever adopt." -- I understand this, as adoption is not for everyone. However, we had the husband of a good friend of mine say it to my husband. I had my hair stylist say it to me, all the while she was in the throes of infertility. (Though good to know her limitations.) We also had our Christian tax man tell us that as he was preparing our taxes the first year that we had K-. He was also unaware of the details of the adoption credit-- the largest tax credit available in the United States-- and seemed not interested in finding out what he would need to know. We fired him.
As I said, we understand that adoption is not for everyone, but everyone knew the pain and the details of what we went through and the final joy of where we were at. They just needed to keep their big fat pie holes shut.
"I could never imagine raising someone else's child." -- Don't worry. They aren't someone else's child, that is unless that is how you treat it. We view K- as a complete and utter gift from God. Truly, that child was held and kept safe only by Heavenly hands themselves. With everything that her birth mom had been involved in, there was major Heavenly protection. K- has been with us since she was a day and a half old. We are the only parents that she has ever known.
"Oh! You adopted! Where did you get your baby from?!" "The county south of us." "Oh." -- I understand that I am going to offend some people with this statement. Just hear me out. We did not adopt to be viewed as heroic. We adopted to be a family. I doubt that there are many adoptive parents that do adopt for a title of being heroic. We adopted because it was our hearts calling. Our hearts calling was to domestic adoption. We knew that we specifically wanted a county adoption, as we felt that those children were those most left behind. However, so many times we were given the unexcited "oh" when we said that we adopted a county kid. People want to hear stories of how you trudged out to far off lands, went by boat, Jeep, and critter caravan to get out to some remote location. It's like we disappointed people by saying that we were "in and out of labor and delivery in an hour."
"It's so much harder to adopt here than it is internationally." -- Untrue. Totally and completely untrue. We had friends that started their road to international adoption about three weeks after we started on our domestic, county adoption. Initially, they chose to adopt from China. They were both under the age of 30, which was too young for Chinese adoption standards. Then they chose Haiti. They flew to Haiti to pick out a daughter from an orphanage. They went through the adoptive coursework through an adoption agency, had all of their shots, home inspections, passports and the whole nine yards all together. The daughter that they chose? W- is still in Haiti. They couldn't get her out. Political unrest makes it far too dangerous for the director of the orphanage that W- resides in to be able to take the paperwork into Port Au Prince. Then they chose Ethiopia. They got an e-mail about their son L-. They were given 2 weeks to go to get him. They pulled everything around and successfully got there and back. He was 22 months old. He and K- are one week apart in birthdays. He was sick. He had worms. He had Giardia. He had Latent TB that caused him to be on medications for 9 months. He was tiny. His teeth will be a continued project for them, as they show that his nutrition in utero was less than wonderful. He came with baggage. L- is a good kid. He is friends with K-. He has a great family that is supportive, but he has some issues to work through. We are fortunate to have an adoptive health center at our local children's hospital that has helped our friends to work through the health issues that L- has had. He is well and developing right on target.
[While standing in line at funeral calling hours, a church member turned to me and started speaking about the daughter's of the gentleman who passed away. One had adopted two children and one had one child by birth.] "You know, B- was the ONLY daughter to give him a grandchild by birth." My response? "Yes, and what does that matter?" Her response? "Oh, look who I'm talking to." -- In other words, she forgot that I was an adoptive parent. I could see how that could happen as K- has just been with us for all but 36 hours of her life. However in forgetting that little fact, she was honest in how her heart felt. How so sad.
"Oh, you can have more children!" -- Um, no. When the doctor tells you after you say, "God forbid, should I get pregnant again what do we do?" Her response was, "We'll take care of you the best that we can and pray." I was given a 90% chance of severe pre-eclampsia reoccurring. Nothing is going to make my blood clotting disorders-- which caused all of the problems that lead to Bailey's death-- go away. We could have attempted heroic measures, but again-- we always knew we would adopt. To us, it wasn't a last ditch. We knew that we would always adopt, period. It took 11 1/2 months for me to get pregnant with Bailey. We had already decided that if it was a tweak with vitamins here or there, it would all be good. We would not take fertility treatments. For us, there were plenty of children that needed good homes and it wasn't a requirement that they have our genes. Again, no offense to those who have gone the fertility drug route. It is not the route for everyone, though.
"I could never trust someone else's genes." My response? "Yes, well sometimes your own genes aren't an option. Besides, your own genes are a crap-shoot as well." -- In the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren there is Chapter 2. I called it K-'s adoption chapter. It is entitled "You are not an accident." It talked about how God knew exactly who your parents would be, regardless of whether those would be the actual people God meant to raise you. I cried so hard when I read that chapter. When I read it aloud to Hubs, I couldn't even see the words on the page. I have an absolutely wonderful, albeit cranky kid sometimes, that is beautiful and surprisingly looks like my husband. She has big green eyes, long light brown hair, is tall, a solid build and athletic. We laugh and say that breaking away from the gene pool was a good thing for her. (Neither my husband or I are particularly athletic. Okay, Hubs isn't that bad. Me? I'm dreadful. I can hammer a volleyball really well, but outside of that-- I've got nuthin'.)
"Aren't you so glad that she is white? I mean, it makes your life so much easier." -- I could have absolutely fallen over when I was told this. It was a family member who said this and it was the first time that she was holding K-. K- was a few months old at this time and I did about die. "No. It made no difference to us." It did make a difference to family members though. We made no bones about telling people that we did not care what the race of the child was that we would have placed with us. We also made no gender specification. In the beginning, we had family members give us brochures on international adoption because to adopt an African-American baby, "What would the family think?" "I don't care. If they have an issue with it, that is their own problem. If we have a child of a different race and they are treated differently, we will not be in attendance at family functions." Oh, this flew like a giant lead balloon. My mother had a concern, but I appreciated her asking it. We wanted to have anyone ask anything that they wanted so that we could be forthright and honest with our answers. We wanted to lay everything out that we could on the line so that there were few surprises to family members when our bundle of adopted, lovin' goodness arrived. Mom asked, "If you adopt a biracial baby, then who would they marry? I mean, what if they married into an African-American family?" "We could care less. Just as we don't care about what race our child is, we do not care about the race of who they marry. What we do care about is that whomever it is that they marry, that person treats them wonderfully. Besides, they wouldn't be the only biracial child out there anyhow." At least with my mother asking, we were able to have a conversation bringing up how we want to raise our child. By the way, my mother was the same one who encouraged us to take K-'s biracial brother on a temporary foster basis when K- was only 18 months old. He was born a preemie and had some health issues. She had changed her ideas quickly and wanted us to take him for even just a few weeks, so that K- would have the opportunity to have a sibling in home. Family was interested in having him, which is where he is now. My mom and dad got over their prejudice nature very quick, which needed to be done quite some time ago.
I had the father of a friend pull me aside as we were visiting his daughter-in-law at the hospital to give me his opinion of telling K- that she was adopted. He thought that it was insane and not necessary. "Why would I not tell her? It is a part of the story of how she came to us." He told me about how he felt that it was unnecessary and would make her feel different. "How do I explain the siblings that we have a relationship with?" Oh, he was not in favor of the open family/sibling relationship, either. For us, it is K-'s family. They are their own hodge-podge of kids, but she can look at someone-- particularly her sister J--- and know that there is someone out there that she looks like. She knows that they are her family. The kids have a unique bond. The siblings of sibs are treated just like blood brothers and sisters, as well. To us, brothers and sisters don't come in halves-- they are whole. K-'s whole family is a different structure than what the general most have, but we are thrilled that she has biological family ties.
Please don't think that all the feedback on adoption we've received is negative. This is just a small example of things that I beg everyone not to say. We love our babies. Our parts may be broken. Our parts may not be broken. However, it was all of our hearts desire to adopt a child, bring them into our homes and give them a wonderful life. They are our children. They've always been our children. We just needed the court of law to give us the legal paperwork that says that.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Happy Home Day, Baby Girl!
It was 5 years ago that you came into our lives. There aren't enough words to tell you how much we love you.
Recently, we dealt with the great humidifier flood in your bedroom. When that happened, we had to pull half of your room apart. That left me to wade through your library of books. I found one that I thought that I would share with everyone in honor of your day. Sadly, I don't know who gave it to us for you. I would thank them again!
A Blessing From Above
By Patti Henderson
Golden Books
Once upon a time there lived a mother kangaroo who had an empty pouch.
Every night before she went to sleep, she prayed that some day her pouch would be filled with a baby to love and hold and care for.
One day, Momma-Roo decided to go for a walk.
During her walk, she saw a pair of butterflies fluttering about in a field of flowers.
She later came upon a mother duck leading her ducklings to a pond.
Next she spied a mama and papa squirrel gathering acorns for their family.
She was looking forward to the day she could share all of these wonderful sights and activities with a baby of her own.
Momma-Roo was getting tired. She decided to rest underneath the branches of a beautiful willow tree.
When she looked up she saw a bluebird nest stuffed full of baby bluebird eggs.
One by one, the eggs began to hatch open. The baby bluebirds stretched their wings and cried for food. The nest was getting very crowded.
Just as the last and littlest bluebird cracked open his shell and stepped into this world . . .
. . . one of his brothers stretched his wings. Before the littlest one knew what was happening, he was bumped from the nest and falling . . .
down,
down,
down,
. . . straight into Momma-Roo's pouch!
The baby bluebird peeked out from the pouch and gazed up at Momma-Roo.
"Hello Mommy," he chirped.
The mother bluebird looked down and saw her littlest one.
She knew her nest was not big enough for all her chicks. It made her happy to see her baby bluebird in such a warm, cuddly place.
"Hello, Little One," said Momma-Roo.
Then she hugged her blessing from above.
"At last! My very own baby!" she cried joyfully. "I will cherish you forever!"
On their way back home, Momma-Roo and Little One frolicked through the field of flowers.
They stopped for a sip of water at the pond.
They shared grass and berries together. They were so happy!
Now, every night before they fall asleep, Momma-Roo and Little One thank God for all their blessings . . . but especially for each other.
In love he destined us for adoption to himself . . . Ephesians 1:5
Recently, we dealt with the great humidifier flood in your bedroom. When that happened, we had to pull half of your room apart. That left me to wade through your library of books. I found one that I thought that I would share with everyone in honor of your day. Sadly, I don't know who gave it to us for you. I would thank them again!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
There was cake. There were happy children. We all survived.
You know, I have to say that without the help of my mama friends, I could have never done it! Natalie over at The Cybyk Times became staff photographer. My sister ran photos occasionally, refills and hugs. My friend Michelle kept kids happy. Kim was on the wagon of friends that fed the kids as I was running back and forth. My friend Heather was just trying to keep track of her little one C-. He'll be two next month and he keeps that girl running! These woman helped to keep me sane and afloat. I love them dearly.
I admit that K-'s party started out slightly rough. Oh, the kids were great except for that pesky whiney yucky crap that K- was dishing out. I scooped her up, carried her to the bathroom and finally told her that I didn't want to send her home with her daddy so that I could have fun with her friends myself. It took just a hair longer, but she found herself adjusted and doing fine. Right before arriving, she had fallen asleep and Hubs was having a tough time waking her. He bonked her in the head with the door, again. He also bonked her in the head with the trampoline. We also know for a fact that she does a bit of a social anxiety bit when in a group of people. She is like me. She can get overwhelmed by things like that and just overloads. Oh, I don't find it excuseable, but I do try to work her through it. We did triumph over the yuck and had a great time. Just look!
I admit that K-'s party started out slightly rough. Oh, the kids were great except for that pesky whiney yucky crap that K- was dishing out. I scooped her up, carried her to the bathroom and finally told her that I didn't want to send her home with her daddy so that I could have fun with her friends myself. It took just a hair longer, but she found herself adjusted and doing fine. Right before arriving, she had fallen asleep and Hubs was having a tough time waking her. He bonked her in the head with the door, again. He also bonked her in the head with the trampoline. We also know for a fact that she does a bit of a social anxiety bit when in a group of people. She is like me. She can get overwhelmed by things like that and just overloads. Oh, I don't find it excuseable, but I do try to work her through it. We did triumph over the yuck and had a great time. Just look!
I started the party by having the kids sit for a few while I read them the book, Tinkering Tink. Aunt Kristin bought that for K- as a part of her birthday gift. The kids wanted to have free feet, so they ditched their shoes and made themselves at home.
Look! Natalie got a great picture of the kids. You know, I'm not a big face posting mama. I have several reasons, but was thrilled that there was a photo of all the kids that I could legally post.
After K's birthday party, we cleaned up the hall (with help from friends-- thank you!) and trotted on home with the loot. I did a quick gift inventory list so that we can write thank you's, had some queso and chips and went to visit the neighbor's around the corner. He is a doctor and each year, he and his wife sit out in the bitterly cold (tonight it was 25 degrees, cold enough!) to greet all the neighborhood children. He is very realistically dressed as Santa and his wife as Mrs. Claus. Their home is like that of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I'm sure that we're on back up power just to make those lights run! He is so attentive. He asked about where she lived (not in a predator kind of way), asked about how old she was, if she behaved and what she wished for. He was very happy to sit for photos with her and even his wife joined in. We've decided that we must send a thank you along. What a wonderful Christmas/Birthday treat!
After we stopped by Dr. Santa's house, we traveled onto Alliance where they have the Winter Wonderland Light Display. We go every year for Happy Home Day, but decided to move it up to K-'s birthday since we had the evening free. My mother-in-law joined us and enjoyed it very much.
Baby girl had a good day. She enjoyed getting to hang with her friends. For her, it's not the presents. Sure, she likes them but she is more than thrilled just to have people show up! Let's hope that she always stays that way!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Our Trip to Becoming Legal
For a long time there were only your footprints
and laughter in our dreams,
Even from such small things,
We knew we could not wait to love you forever.
Even from such small things,
We knew we could not wait to love you forever.
Brian Andreas 2002 "Such Small Things"
This poem was sent out in the e-mail announcement that we sent that K- had arrived. In the days that followed, our schedule was filled with placement workers, social workers, and homefinder visits. We took K- to her first doctors appointment. The county requires that children placed in your care be seen by a doctor within the first week of placement and though it was literally right at Christmastime, our pediatrician's office was kind enough to squeeze us in on December 26. The pediatrician on call asked us what we would be naming our child. (We didn't keep her birthname.) We told him and he continued to call her K- for the rest of the visit. Then, he announced, "Congratulations! You have a healthy baby girl!"
I cried.
We had court in March. In a turn of events, right before court we were called in to bring K- for visitation with her first mom. I admit that the prospect upset me greatly, since she hadn't attended any other hearing and I almost wrecked the car pulling into the facility. It turned out that she had a medical condition and had been temporarily released. The facility hadn't called the county to let them know.
This poem was sent out in the e-mail announcement that we sent that K- had arrived. In the days that followed, our schedule was filled with placement workers, social workers, and homefinder visits. We took K- to her first doctors appointment. The county requires that children placed in your care be seen by a doctor within the first week of placement and though it was literally right at Christmastime, our pediatrician's office was kind enough to squeeze us in on December 26. The pediatrician on call asked us what we would be naming our child. (We didn't keep her birthname.) We told him and he continued to call her K- for the rest of the visit. Then, he announced, "Congratulations! You have a healthy baby girl!"
I cried.
You see, K- was born cocaine positive. Her first mom had been in and out of jail, homeless and generally not making good decisions for herself. Again, we will be forever thankful to her for going to the hospital, having K- and leaving her behind with folks that could take care of her.
We had court in January. The county had been named K-'s temporary guardian.
We had court in March. In a turn of events, right before court we were called in to bring K- for visitation with her first mom. I admit that the prospect upset me greatly, since she hadn't attended any other hearing and I almost wrecked the car pulling into the facility. It turned out that she had a medical condition and had been temporarily released. The facility hadn't called the county to let them know.
We had court directly after. It was stressful and I had to go up on the stand, remembering what dates she went to the doctor, weight and -- REMEMBERING TO CALL HER THE RIGHT NAME! Oh, yes! That wouldn't have gone well! This hearing was for permanent custody, which was granted, but then appealed by the opposing attorney due to the lack of ability to hand paperwork in on time on behalf of our Guardian et Litem. Oh, was I mad. It wasn't until August that the appeal was overturned by the judge and we were under adoptive status.
Then we received the official letter. Her adoption day was December 20, 2004-- her first birthday and the last adoption day of the year! I was so excited! Hubs was at work, out in the woods stringing a fake flying bat up in preparation for their Halloween program, when his extremely pregnant co-worker decided to hike the mile back to tell him.
So it came. And so did the snowstorm. And the bitterly cold weather. We left for court almost 2 hours early for a half hour drive. I had K- dressed up in her gorgeous dress, snowpants underneath, hat, coat, scarf, and blanket overhead. I wore my dress with the Timberland boots and changed into heels once we got inside.
And I gave our friends wrong directions. But, they made it. Oops. I'm directionally illiterate.
But the day was ours. Given the funky weather, there weren't many of us. My mom came with us. My sister-in-law and niece flew in from Chicago and came with my in-law's. A couple of my friends and their babies came.
Then we stood before the Magistrate and were legally pronounced a family. 
(That's Hubs, K- and Me off to the right. Hubs' mom is next to him. My mom is in the red next to me. My father-in-law, sister-in-law and niece are off to the left.)
It was a great day. It still is a great day. We celebrate every year her adoption and Happy Home Day (December 22.)
We are so blessed.
Happy National Adoption Day!
Other posts to reference about our journey to adoption are found under the 'adoption' subject on the side bar, but those directly related to this post are:
Thank you so much for coming over to read our story!
Friday, November 14, 2008
K-
We started our road to adoption at the end of March, 2003. We had talked to friends who adopted previously and told them of our plans. They invited us over for "Adoption 101." Let's discuss our lives over a pot of chili, shall we? That we did. They were great. Any question we had was never a dumb one. Then there was a clincher. "Hey, so the biological mom to two of our children is pregnant again. We didn't want to have anymore and we don't want you to feel obligated, but would you be interested?" Sure! So, they hooked us up with their homefinder from the county. She hooked us up with the initial class. You have to go to that, be fingerprinted and have a background check. If you pass that, they'll let you proceed. Can't blame them. Then came the class work. We were told that the baby would be born late August-early September. We needed to get on the stick to get these classes and coursework and general paperwork done.
We had something to consider in all of this (well, more than just this, but this was a main problem in our scheduling anything)-- my husband's work schedule. At the time, he worked for a park system that scheduled their programs 6 months in advance. Since they were in print, nothing ever got canceled-- sickness, weather or otherwise. You know what? God provided. The classes that we had to attend fell on all of the right days and Saturdays that Hubs had off. It was absolutely amazing! The coursework was 6 weeks of Tuesday evenings and a lot of Saturdays. Hubs had his CPR and First Aid current because of his job, but I was not. We both had to have physicals done, have a homestudy and fill out stacks of paperwork. We hit a glitch with the homestudy because I didn't have a big enough fire extinguisher and I didn't have an escape route posted at the bottom of the basement steps. (Um, we have a 1000 sq foot ranch and the outside door was at the top of the steps.) We had to have the fire department back out one more time and we were fine. Two days after our homestudy was approved, we got a phone call about our baby. Interestingly enough, we were just on our way out the door to pick up baby furniture at Babies R Us. Our baby wasn't due until December. "Expect a call from Thanksgiving to Christmas." It gave us some extra time to get a few more things ready and to take a few more classes (to get them out of the way.)
Thanksgiving came and people started wondering. I had been keeping somewhat close tabs on K-'s first mom via her record. I would call or e-mail back and forth to let the county know her whereabouts. You see, she had been in and out of jail for a variety of reasons. K- was to be her 7th child and she had somewhat of a reputation with the county.
We got a call December 18. The homefinder apologized that it wasn't the "it" call, but she wanted to call and let me know that she had a visual on K-'s first mom and she was very, very, very with child. Good. She's still on the bake. I'll never forget. I was downstairs in our basement making Christmas cookie boxes.
Hubs and I were spinning around the house that Saturday. In retrospect, I think that we were nesting, but didn't realize it. I had a cold coming on and felt kind of crubby, but pressed on and went to work that Monday. When I got in my friend, the staff seamstress, handed me a note. (All the while saying, "What the heck took you so long?") It was from our homefinder. I called and it. was. the. call.
Our baby was here.
Our baby was a little girl.
Our baby was going to be ours that day!
So there it was, three days before Christmas and I went dashing out of work announcing to my boss, "I just had a baby! Don't I look darn good?!" (Only I do recall not having said darn.) I wanted to tell Hubs in person. I was so excited that I pulled out in front of a car and almost got creamed. When I went in, I went as straight faced as I could be. I bypassed the desk. I ignored the questions that they were asking and went straight in. He thought something had happened to his dad. Then I told him. "We have a little girl and we need to go pick her up!"
I had gotten the message at 10 AM. I got to hubs by 10:45 AM. We needed to get back home to get the necessary phone calls. (We had no cell.) We had a flurry of phone calls from both the county and the family. I swear that mom would have rented the Goodyear blimp if she could have. We couldn't find Hubs' mom. She was out shopping for our new-to-arrive baby. Then we got the time-- 3:30 PM. We had one hour to run to the store to get our blessed little bundle an outfit. We ended up at Value City, which I have no idea of why. Hubs picked out a beautiful green dress for her for Christmas, because he told me the one I picked looked like a doilie on a grandmother's dresser. We also picked up a home going outfit. It was three days before Christmas and the racks were stripped clean. Hubs found an outfit that he loved. It was a 3-6 month outfit. It was tiny. How far off could we be? We scooped up a stuffed Moose, her Christmas gift, the couple of outfits and ran back home. (Let's face it, what do you buy a newborn for Christmas when everything you have for them is sparklingly new anyhow? Her gift was a home!)
Then it was time! When we got there, we laughed hilariously. This was the scene that we came to at the maternity room doors:
The maternity room doors were wrapped up like a big gift, and as we awaited the arrival of the social worker, I had Mark snap this picture. Our gift was just beyond those doors.
We went in. I distinctly recall that we were both just very quiet. Very respectful. We were doing jumping jacks inside, though. The nurses were so wonderful. They could only sing the praises of our baby. You see, K- was left behind by her first mom. For a variety of reasons, her first mom knew that she would not be permitted to take her with her, so she left the hospital 12 hours after birth and left her in the care of the nurses and doctors.
I can't tell you how much we thank her for that.
Then they wheeled her out. In our photo library, this is titled "The first time we saw you."
We had something to consider in all of this (well, more than just this, but this was a main problem in our scheduling anything)-- my husband's work schedule. At the time, he worked for a park system that scheduled their programs 6 months in advance. Since they were in print, nothing ever got canceled-- sickness, weather or otherwise. You know what? God provided. The classes that we had to attend fell on all of the right days and Saturdays that Hubs had off. It was absolutely amazing! The coursework was 6 weeks of Tuesday evenings and a lot of Saturdays. Hubs had his CPR and First Aid current because of his job, but I was not. We both had to have physicals done, have a homestudy and fill out stacks of paperwork. We hit a glitch with the homestudy because I didn't have a big enough fire extinguisher and I didn't have an escape route posted at the bottom of the basement steps. (Um, we have a 1000 sq foot ranch and the outside door was at the top of the steps.) We had to have the fire department back out one more time and we were fine. Two days after our homestudy was approved, we got a phone call about our baby. Interestingly enough, we were just on our way out the door to pick up baby furniture at Babies R Us. Our baby wasn't due until December. "Expect a call from Thanksgiving to Christmas." It gave us some extra time to get a few more things ready and to take a few more classes (to get them out of the way.)
Thanksgiving came and people started wondering. I had been keeping somewhat close tabs on K-'s first mom via her record. I would call or e-mail back and forth to let the county know her whereabouts. You see, she had been in and out of jail for a variety of reasons. K- was to be her 7th child and she had somewhat of a reputation with the county.
We got a call December 18. The homefinder apologized that it wasn't the "it" call, but she wanted to call and let me know that she had a visual on K-'s first mom and she was very, very, very with child. Good. She's still on the bake. I'll never forget. I was downstairs in our basement making Christmas cookie boxes.
Hubs and I were spinning around the house that Saturday. In retrospect, I think that we were nesting, but didn't realize it. I had a cold coming on and felt kind of crubby, but pressed on and went to work that Monday. When I got in my friend, the staff seamstress, handed me a note. (All the while saying, "What the heck took you so long?") It was from our homefinder. I called and it. was. the. call.
Our baby was here.
Our baby was a little girl.
Our baby was going to be ours that day!
So there it was, three days before Christmas and I went dashing out of work announcing to my boss, "I just had a baby! Don't I look darn good?!" (Only I do recall not having said darn.) I wanted to tell Hubs in person. I was so excited that I pulled out in front of a car and almost got creamed. When I went in, I went as straight faced as I could be. I bypassed the desk. I ignored the questions that they were asking and went straight in. He thought something had happened to his dad. Then I told him. "We have a little girl and we need to go pick her up!"
I had gotten the message at 10 AM. I got to hubs by 10:45 AM. We needed to get back home to get the necessary phone calls. (We had no cell.) We had a flurry of phone calls from both the county and the family. I swear that mom would have rented the Goodyear blimp if she could have. We couldn't find Hubs' mom. She was out shopping for our new-to-arrive baby. Then we got the time-- 3:30 PM. We had one hour to run to the store to get our blessed little bundle an outfit. We ended up at Value City, which I have no idea of why. Hubs picked out a beautiful green dress for her for Christmas, because he told me the one I picked looked like a doilie on a grandmother's dresser. We also picked up a home going outfit. It was three days before Christmas and the racks were stripped clean. Hubs found an outfit that he loved. It was a 3-6 month outfit. It was tiny. How far off could we be? We scooped up a stuffed Moose, her Christmas gift, the couple of outfits and ran back home. (Let's face it, what do you buy a newborn for Christmas when everything you have for them is sparklingly new anyhow? Her gift was a home!)
Then it was time! When we got there, we laughed hilariously. This was the scene that we came to at the maternity room doors:
The maternity room doors were wrapped up like a big gift, and as we awaited the arrival of the social worker, I had Mark snap this picture. Our gift was just beyond those doors.We went in. I distinctly recall that we were both just very quiet. Very respectful. We were doing jumping jacks inside, though. The nurses were so wonderful. They could only sing the praises of our baby. You see, K- was left behind by her first mom. For a variety of reasons, her first mom knew that she would not be permitted to take her with her, so she left the hospital 12 hours after birth and left her in the care of the nurses and doctors.
I can't tell you how much we thank her for that.
Then they wheeled her out. In our photo library, this is titled "The first time we saw you."
So tiny and so sweet. She was born 6 lbs and 11 oz. 19" long and just a petite little thing with ski feet. The 3-6 month outfit was huge. It almost swallowed her whole. It made everyone giggle, though!
But, we were in love. More tomorrow.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Bailey
In celebration of National Adoption Day on November 15, I thought that I would give y'all a quick run of how we became parents. Yes, tissues are required. We'll start with baby number 1. That would be Bailey.
Hubs and I tried for almost a year to get pregnant. We were so thrilled the day the extra pink line came up on the stick that we could almost not stand it. Then my husband, in very George from Seinfeld fashion announced, "MY BOYS CAN SWIM!" It was a great, great day! For some reason, I remember the day. September 26, 2002. It almost seemed unreal.
Throughout the whole pregnancy, everything went fine. I gained only what I was supposed to. Other than a GIANT craving for pizza, all was well. I only had a few incidents of morning sickness-- maybe two-- so I counted myself extra lucky. I was pregnant and thrilled to be so. The only one thing that was of pain was my back. From about 2 1/2 months, it felt as if someone had lodged an axe into my back. If I laid down on the floor, it took quite some time for me to get back up. I didn't complain. The only three who knew were my husband, mom and midwife. Apparently, everything was tipped backwards causing the pain. It was fine. I figured that it would be gone soon enough.
I started having some heart palpitations, but knew that I would be going to the midwife in a week. I had been running all over work, so I attributed the overstress to the heart palpitations. I had also started swelling a little. My sister swelled horribly at 5 months, so I figured that I was just following suit. It also didn't help that I realized that the Spaghetti O's that I had been craving were just way full of sodium.
On January 24, 2003, we went out to dinner with my in-law's. The next day, my mother-in-law was going to Chicago to visit my sister-in-law and that happened to be Hub's birthday. We moved it up a day. No big deal. I had a pork chop and cole slaw. All was well. That is, until later that night. I ended up vomiting from about midnight or so until 1 PM the next afternoon. Hubs had me call the midwife. She had me go to the hospital to be monitored and be put on an IV. We figured that I had food poisoning. We figured wrong.
Upon arriving at the hospital, my blood pressure was about 155/100. They weren't so pleased. They got me in, had me pee in a cup and put me on an IV. I did bring up to the one resident that I had my legs crossed 15 minutes previous and that I still had a giant dent in my leg. "Oh, that would be from what is growing in your uterus." Okay.
Then the nurse came in. She checked my blood pressure again. 180/110. It was confirmed that I was going nowhere. In fact, not only was I going nowhere, but I had to be shuttled upstairs for re-evaluation by my doctor. I had been seeing the midwife, but at that point she handed me over to the OB of the practice. The little hospital that I was at was too small to deal with the magnitude of my illness. They had to pass me on. They wouldn't even let my husband drive me. They called an ambulance.
I was pre-eclamptic.
When I arrived, a not so gentle resident checked me out. I absolutely thought that she was trying to remove my spine through my more delicate region. I asked that I not be seen by her ever again.
They moved me to a room. They confirmed that I had pre-eclampsia. The plan was for me to remain in the hospital for a month. I was only at 22 weeks at that time, so they were hoping to administer steroids to build up the baby's lungs and deliver in 26 weeks. The plan was to sit. But, I was getting worse.
The first night was the only night that Hubs went home. I remember calling my mom at 4 AM. I knew that she wouldn't be sleeping. We talked and I was telling her how scared I was. The next morning the nurse had come in to take my weight. I had gained six pounds in water weight overnight. When they came to take my temperature, I had to cheat and take breaths. I wasn't getting enough air. I took my socks off because I was afraid that the circulation would be cut off to my feet.
They moved me to another room. Other than it being a private room, I can't figure out why they moved me. This proved to be a good thing, though.
My pastor came to visit. I don't know why we were talking about it, but we got onto the discussion of when he and Mrs. H- lost their first baby. He left and the nurse came in to check baby's heart rate and all that.
She tried.
She tried again.
Then they came in with an ultrasound. Nothing.
Then they wheeled me downstairs to the high risk doctor who confirmed that our baby had passed away. There is nothing more horrible than to hear that your baby died. Awful. But, I knew. I don't know how I knew but I did.
This was January 27, 2003.
The decision was made for me to be wheeled to labor and delivery. I was too high risk for a c-section and had to do it on my own. They gave me several different drugs to get things rolling. This was Monday at about 5 PM.
Tuesday came and my friend refers to it as the worse day. That was the day that my husband broke. My mom said that he was rolled up into a ball on the couch rocking back and forth just crying. Not only had his baby died, but there was a strong chance that I would, too.
The decision was made to give me a central line. My blood pressure was far too high (well beyond the 180/110) and I was heading towards heart damage. They did not have the time to give me anything to numb the area. They had to go in. It felt like they were driving a roofing nail through my neck. I was in and out much of the time, only remembering certain things and having had other things filled in by friends. I do remember the central line, though. My mom was with me as they put it in. (And accidentally doused me in Iodine even though I was listed as allergic.) My friends were outside and said all they could hear was me screaming.
It was finally on Wednesday morning at 1:06 AM, January 29, 2003 that our baby was born. A tiny little thing. 14.6 ounces. 11 inches long. No cry. No wiggle. No big fanfare. It was quiet. I hoped that they would be wrong. I hoped for a cry, but nothing. I remember asking what the baby was, as we didn't find out in advance. It was the little girl that we hoped for. (Though I would have laid money down to say it was a boy.) Bailey Madeline. She was our vacation baby. Her middle name was from the island in Wisconsin that we camped on. Having given birth to Bailey was supposed to be my cure. It was supposed to make me better.
Notsomuch.
I continued to stay in labor and delivery for another day and a half. They had me on magnesium which goofed with my vision horribly. I couldn't see. Apparently, my intense vomiting had broken the blood vessels in my eyes. No one had bothered to tell me that. I felt like a train had run through the back of my head. They ended up moving me to what I termed as the "old ladies hysterectomy ward." My doctor was kind enough not to insist on my being placed on a ward with babies. She asked and I said no thank you.
We noticed one thing as we moved. There was a leaf. A leaf on our door that moved with us from door to door. It turns out that it was a leaf for Bailey. It was to tell the hospital staff that there had been a loss. Even if they didn't read a chart, they would know. Hopefully, it would keep them from saying ignorant things. For the most part, it worked. There were still dumb people who said even dumber things.
After 8 1/2 days in the hospital, I was released to go home. My blood pressure was still out of whack. I had been thinning down from my massive 30 pound gain of water weight. It would take time.
Hubs took off a few weeks to stay home with me. My mother cooked for me. My mom and dad took care of all the memorial service arrangements. My mother-in-law came weekly to clean my house. Quietly, I heard her cry as she went. Like the rest of us, she just didn't know what to do with herself.
While in the hospital, Hubs and I had talked. We had talked again of our decision to adopt. We had decided to adopt long ago. In fact, we had talked about it in the early days of our relationship. We knew that we had been told that pregnancy was not suggested. I had a couple of blood clotting disorders that would most definitely rear their ugly heads again.
We just wanted to be a family. We wanted a little one with us. So, with the help of friends, we started our road to becoming a family.
With this, I will continue on our journey tomorrow.
Hubs and I tried for almost a year to get pregnant. We were so thrilled the day the extra pink line came up on the stick that we could almost not stand it. Then my husband, in very George from Seinfeld fashion announced, "MY BOYS CAN SWIM!" It was a great, great day! For some reason, I remember the day. September 26, 2002. It almost seemed unreal.
Throughout the whole pregnancy, everything went fine. I gained only what I was supposed to. Other than a GIANT craving for pizza, all was well. I only had a few incidents of morning sickness-- maybe two-- so I counted myself extra lucky. I was pregnant and thrilled to be so. The only one thing that was of pain was my back. From about 2 1/2 months, it felt as if someone had lodged an axe into my back. If I laid down on the floor, it took quite some time for me to get back up. I didn't complain. The only three who knew were my husband, mom and midwife. Apparently, everything was tipped backwards causing the pain. It was fine. I figured that it would be gone soon enough.
I started having some heart palpitations, but knew that I would be going to the midwife in a week. I had been running all over work, so I attributed the overstress to the heart palpitations. I had also started swelling a little. My sister swelled horribly at 5 months, so I figured that I was just following suit. It also didn't help that I realized that the Spaghetti O's that I had been craving were just way full of sodium.
On January 24, 2003, we went out to dinner with my in-law's. The next day, my mother-in-law was going to Chicago to visit my sister-in-law and that happened to be Hub's birthday. We moved it up a day. No big deal. I had a pork chop and cole slaw. All was well. That is, until later that night. I ended up vomiting from about midnight or so until 1 PM the next afternoon. Hubs had me call the midwife. She had me go to the hospital to be monitored and be put on an IV. We figured that I had food poisoning. We figured wrong.
Upon arriving at the hospital, my blood pressure was about 155/100. They weren't so pleased. They got me in, had me pee in a cup and put me on an IV. I did bring up to the one resident that I had my legs crossed 15 minutes previous and that I still had a giant dent in my leg. "Oh, that would be from what is growing in your uterus." Okay.
Then the nurse came in. She checked my blood pressure again. 180/110. It was confirmed that I was going nowhere. In fact, not only was I going nowhere, but I had to be shuttled upstairs for re-evaluation by my doctor. I had been seeing the midwife, but at that point she handed me over to the OB of the practice. The little hospital that I was at was too small to deal with the magnitude of my illness. They had to pass me on. They wouldn't even let my husband drive me. They called an ambulance.
I was pre-eclamptic.
When I arrived, a not so gentle resident checked me out. I absolutely thought that she was trying to remove my spine through my more delicate region. I asked that I not be seen by her ever again.
They moved me to a room. They confirmed that I had pre-eclampsia. The plan was for me to remain in the hospital for a month. I was only at 22 weeks at that time, so they were hoping to administer steroids to build up the baby's lungs and deliver in 26 weeks. The plan was to sit. But, I was getting worse.
The first night was the only night that Hubs went home. I remember calling my mom at 4 AM. I knew that she wouldn't be sleeping. We talked and I was telling her how scared I was. The next morning the nurse had come in to take my weight. I had gained six pounds in water weight overnight. When they came to take my temperature, I had to cheat and take breaths. I wasn't getting enough air. I took my socks off because I was afraid that the circulation would be cut off to my feet.
They moved me to another room. Other than it being a private room, I can't figure out why they moved me. This proved to be a good thing, though.
My pastor came to visit. I don't know why we were talking about it, but we got onto the discussion of when he and Mrs. H- lost their first baby. He left and the nurse came in to check baby's heart rate and all that.
She tried.
She tried again.
Then they came in with an ultrasound. Nothing.
Then they wheeled me downstairs to the high risk doctor who confirmed that our baby had passed away. There is nothing more horrible than to hear that your baby died. Awful. But, I knew. I don't know how I knew but I did.
This was January 27, 2003.
The decision was made for me to be wheeled to labor and delivery. I was too high risk for a c-section and had to do it on my own. They gave me several different drugs to get things rolling. This was Monday at about 5 PM.
Tuesday came and my friend refers to it as the worse day. That was the day that my husband broke. My mom said that he was rolled up into a ball on the couch rocking back and forth just crying. Not only had his baby died, but there was a strong chance that I would, too.
The decision was made to give me a central line. My blood pressure was far too high (well beyond the 180/110) and I was heading towards heart damage. They did not have the time to give me anything to numb the area. They had to go in. It felt like they were driving a roofing nail through my neck. I was in and out much of the time, only remembering certain things and having had other things filled in by friends. I do remember the central line, though. My mom was with me as they put it in. (And accidentally doused me in Iodine even though I was listed as allergic.) My friends were outside and said all they could hear was me screaming.
It was finally on Wednesday morning at 1:06 AM, January 29, 2003 that our baby was born. A tiny little thing. 14.6 ounces. 11 inches long. No cry. No wiggle. No big fanfare. It was quiet. I hoped that they would be wrong. I hoped for a cry, but nothing. I remember asking what the baby was, as we didn't find out in advance. It was the little girl that we hoped for. (Though I would have laid money down to say it was a boy.) Bailey Madeline. She was our vacation baby. Her middle name was from the island in Wisconsin that we camped on. Having given birth to Bailey was supposed to be my cure. It was supposed to make me better.
Notsomuch.
I continued to stay in labor and delivery for another day and a half. They had me on magnesium which goofed with my vision horribly. I couldn't see. Apparently, my intense vomiting had broken the blood vessels in my eyes. No one had bothered to tell me that. I felt like a train had run through the back of my head. They ended up moving me to what I termed as the "old ladies hysterectomy ward." My doctor was kind enough not to insist on my being placed on a ward with babies. She asked and I said no thank you.
We noticed one thing as we moved. There was a leaf. A leaf on our door that moved with us from door to door. It turns out that it was a leaf for Bailey. It was to tell the hospital staff that there had been a loss. Even if they didn't read a chart, they would know. Hopefully, it would keep them from saying ignorant things. For the most part, it worked. There were still dumb people who said even dumber things.
After 8 1/2 days in the hospital, I was released to go home. My blood pressure was still out of whack. I had been thinning down from my massive 30 pound gain of water weight. It would take time.
Hubs took off a few weeks to stay home with me. My mother cooked for me. My mom and dad took care of all the memorial service arrangements. My mother-in-law came weekly to clean my house. Quietly, I heard her cry as she went. Like the rest of us, she just didn't know what to do with herself.
While in the hospital, Hubs and I had talked. We had talked again of our decision to adopt. We had decided to adopt long ago. In fact, we had talked about it in the early days of our relationship. We knew that we had been told that pregnancy was not suggested. I had a couple of blood clotting disorders that would most definitely rear their ugly heads again.
We just wanted to be a family. We wanted a little one with us. So, with the help of friends, we started our road to becoming a family.
With this, I will continue on our journey tomorrow.
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