A Heavy Weight.

You know those days when something weighs heavily on you and you have conversations with yourself?

I'm there.

My brother is my weight right now. It is a story of unfortunate choices and better choices. My brother was addicted to her*oin for years. Long story short, he kicked the habit over 3 years ago. He actually detoxed himself (beginning here at our house and then on his own with my sister, mom and me tailing him pretty close.)

Folks, he fell into drugs again. It makes my heart beyond sad. My in-law's told me it would happen. I swore to them to their faces that they were wrong.

My brother promised me.

He hasn't called me. What I know is secondhand from my mom. Apparently he is at my sister's, detoxing from Ox*ycon*tin. He has been rolling with this since June, which would explain his absence from my life all summer long. I mean, he and his family practically lived here last summer. We joked because my nephew liked to come over for the "cold heat." (A/C) I missed him. When I went to his house, I was basically shooed away. Stupid, dumb me thought he was mad at me. I admit that it didn't enter my mind that he was back at it. How's that for a lesson in self-centeredness? [slamming thunk to the forehead]

How much of an idiot do I have to be?

He was avoiding my mom, too. The final straw for me was when I stopped by to drop some school supplies off for the kids, knocked on the door, heard that people knew I was there and did not answer the door. (They were having a conversation about me by name.) I left. My mom asked why I didn't just go in. It wasn't my house. I wasn't invited in and I knew not to go.

So goes the Charlie Brown moment of ARRRRGGGGHHHH!

So, my brother is making better choices for himself right now. He knows that he was involved-- again-- and sees it as a problem. Again, I'm waiting for him to come to me. He views me as worse than mom. He knows that I'll cry. You know what? He's right.

Pray for me that I have constructive, loving and supportive words. I'm so disappointed that I don't even know what I'd say.

Edited to add:
The doctor's office called. Culture came back. K- did NOT have a UTI, she had a viral stomach funk. She's past it now and all is well.