Friday, January 27, 2012

A heaping helping of frustration.

This is my aunt's 8th day in the hospital.  During that time, we've been given highs, lows and in-betweens. 

She was told Monday that her tumor that was found was cancerous.

She was told Tuesday or Wednesday that it was precancerous.

She was told Tuesday that she had a spot on her lung and one in her right breast.  Nothing to worry about.  Probably calcium deposit in the breast and perhaps asbestos in the lung.

She was sent down for a mammogram on Wednesday and the tech told her that it looked suspicious and like it was cancer.  Oh, the term was changed from spot to mass. 

They decided that they had to have a biopsy of it.  Aunt Donna said that they could do it when they do her surgery to remove the rectal tumor.  They came Thursday afternoon and did it in her room.

Today she was told that she has three additional "lumps" that they have found, one place being her pancreas. 

Today she was told that the "spot" on her lung needed to be biopsied and they will be doing that tomorrow. 

Cancer, no cancer, cancer, no cancer, cancer . . .

She is looking towards surgery possibly Wednesday.  She's wanting them to remove what they can remove and have radiation or chemotherapy.  She's repeated that several times.  By what she said that the doctor has said, it doesn't look like any of those three are truly the options that they are looking at.

Frankly, I do think that my aunt is full of cancer.  They could carve and chop her up like a pumpkin, but at this point, I don't know that it would make a huge difference. 

Each phone call gives a different answer.  She says that once she hangs the phone up, the doctors come in and tell her something else. 

What is worse is how I currently feel about what would be good news that she gave me.  You see, my biological father (her brother), came to her the other day and said that he is now a Christian.  While I think that it is grand that he is saved, I admit questioning his motives.  As a Christian, I feel horrible about this.  I talked to Mom about it, who was married to the man and could confirm or deny my feelings.  My mom's bit, "Well, I hope that we're both wrong."  Apparently, he had done this once with her.  You see, my aunt is a very devote Christian.  To tell her that you are a Christian as well gets her singing praises to the Lord the way that any good Baptist would.  Sadly, we live in a fallen world.  As such, some people aren't quite as pure and full of integrity with their announcements of such devotion to our Lord and Savior.  My thoughts, and I hate that I go there with it, is that he has told her that so that he can "get in good with her" before she dies.  I suspect that he believes that if he speaks to her in her love language, that he'll be the recipient of all her earthly goods when she passes.

Aunt Donna is an old woman with not a whole lotta much.

My sister frustrates me with her continual complaining to Aunt Donna about things that she and her children don't have.  Of course, this prompts Aunt Donna to be the fixer (middle child) and do what she can for my sister, even if it would be her last cent.  My aunt has been trying to contact my sister from the hospital.  My sister has phones that she said need to be replaced.  Now, she's known this for a while.  My aunt has finally gotten so frustrated that she sent me out today to spend $60.00 on new phones for my sister.  It gripes me to no end that the wanting doesn't seem to cease. 

My mom phoned my aunt and prayed with her.  Mom said that Aunt Donna pleaded to God for healing.  Miracles do and can happen.  Who am I to stand in the way of her pleading? 

I'm frustrated because this isn't my first time at the rodeo.  I walked my grandmother (Mom's mom) through colon cancer.  My aunt (Mom's sister) was prayed for and with through brain cancer.  My grandmother (Aunt Donna's mom) was prayed for and with regarding her small cell lymphoma.  This rodeo looks like a duck.  It's walking like a duck.  I fear that it is a big, massed out duck. 

This one I can't fix, even if I am a middle child.


ChupieandJ'smama said...

HUGS my friend. I'm truly sorry about Aunt Donna and the medical run around she is getting. I'm sorry that things sound like they are bleak for her too. I will continue to pray that the Lords will be done.

As for the father situation, I'm sorry for that too. Actions speak louder than words.

Michelle said...

Oh my! I can understand the frustration you must be feeling! Keeping your aunt in my prayers!