Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It's sandal season!

This post originally appeared on April 30, 2010, but I decided that it needed a re-run.  Enjoy!

I have this issue.

The season is here. What season is that? Sandal season. I pull out the pumice stone and polish to get my feet a little less wintry looking and more sandal friendly.

I've come to realize that not all folks take to my seasonal foot maintenance.

On Wednesday we had some customers in wearing sandals on a brisk 54 degree day. The two sandal wearers were offenders. First was a young man being taken around by some young girl, no doubtedly the friend of his girlfriend, showing him all sorts of things that he could buy. He was physically incapable of walking without dragging his feet everywhere. :slide, slide, slide: I looked down, and realized that his sandals were 1. too small since his toes were curling over the front, 2. his toe nails were excessively long and 3. his toe nails were chipped, funky and very visibly dirty. :scrunched up face yelling EWWWW! inside: The second offender was a woman in her 50's, incapable to make a decision to save her life and she was walking around in similar fashion to the young man, 30 years her junior.

Y'all, I have some serious foot issues when it comes to people wearing sandals.

Men, I don't care how much you try, as a population, you generally only have utilitarian type feet. Those are best strapped inside of something that will kind of mask those things. The airy sandals? Your better bet. If you insist on wearing flip flops, please consider taking care of not only nail length and cleanliness, but ridding your feet of the tufts of hair growing on tops of all of your toes.

Ladies, there are pumice stones. They are our friends. Munchy, crunchy heels are not good. Even my 6 year old will notice that she needs to use it and the little elephant nail brush that I have at the tub for her. Please also consider wearing the correct size of footwear. I know that sandals let us cheat with sizes, but if you wear a size 8 1/2, it doesn't mean that you should be wearing a size 7 sandal just because it is open or too darned cute and on sale to pass it by. If your heel is lopping over the end or your toes are curling over the front, you need to bump up a size or two. It's okay. We don't care what number you have on your feet. Toe paint is certainly not required. A little trimming and some lotion may be all you need to get your feet rolling for the season. Remember, the same rule applies for toe hair. Thy razor is thy friend.

A note about sandal styles. A friend at work calls flip flops shower shoes. She's right, you know. But, for those of us (even late bloomers like me) that like flip flops (though I'm a snob and won't wear cheapies or any without the fabric thingy between my toes), can be cute. Just make certain to follow the size suggestion in the paragraph above. Ooo, and remember not to run in flip flops. That's just plain dangerous. God never intended us to run with a sole slightly strapped to our foot.

There are sandal styles that fully expose the full front of the foot. I don't get it. I'm usually a let-a-little-toe peek out kind of girl. These sandals expose the entire full set of pigs and an inch or two of the top of the foot. I've never found these to look attractive on anyone. That much foot exposure cannot be that good for walking either. All I can figure is that the front would tend to want to flap in the wind. Argh.

Now, I don't know who decided that toes need to have acrylic extensions. Really? All I can think of is all the grossedies that might gather up under those things. Y'all really can't be wearing full shoes with those. The shoes have to press down on those and cause pain. Are acrylic toe nails really worth it? Will I find them swimming in the public pool this year? EWWWWW!

And since we're on the foot subject, plenty of people wear toe rings. Though I find them uncomfortable, folks like them enough. Just remember, a little goes a long way. You don't need to have four per foot.

This concludes my foot maintenance clinic. If you have any more suggestions regarding sandal season starting, please feel free to include them in the comments.

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