Thursday, March 24, 2011

The lunch time wall.

I heard a humming behind me while I was standing at the counter at work.  I looked and it was my cell.  I had turned the phone to vibrate while attending a meeting last night.

It was K-. 

I hadn't scooped it up in enough time to get her call.  I tried to call and there was no answer.  She was leaving me a message.

"Hi, Mommy.  It's me.  Um, at lunchtime today, I had to stand on the wall.  B- was talking and I got in trouble, but honest Mom, I didn't do it.  I love you.  Bye."

I tried my MIL's cell again and K- answered. 

"Mom, I didn't do it.  I didn't talk.  Honest, mom."

"K-, you're not in trouble.  I believe you. Tell me what went on."

She told me that B- was squashing a piece of bread into the floor and told K- to look at it.  It was a silent lunch, which is something they do if the noise level gets out of control.  Knowing that B- was talking, the monitor assumed K- was talking too and they were both sent to stand on the wall. 

K- did not get to finish her lunch.  She had a beautiful container of blueberries and grapes that she was unable to eat, which means that she had to be famished when she got out of school.  I don't send out of control portions, but I do send ample amount of good nutritional items to have her eat.  Her reflux is a fine balance that I work with.  Must not overfill.  Today, that was obviously not the problem.

K- also had to pick up trash left behind.  A true germaphobe's daughter shines through when she said, "And mom, they had me crawl under the table to get two forks that people had in their mouths!" 

Of course, I asked if she had washed her hands.

I was also irate. 

My child had been wronged.  The offending child realized the error of her ways and apologized to K-.  "Mommy, B- apologized and I forgave her."  I told her that I think that is great that she did that.  I told her that no, it wasn't right that she was punished for someone else's bad choices, but sadly that happens sometimes.

I've asked K- to talk to her teacher about what went on.  "Mom, can't you?"  I told her that I wasn't going to be able to always take care of these things for her and I needed her to handle this.  "Mom, can't you just write a note?"  I told her that I needed her to talk to her teacher and tell her that we talked about her not sitting next to B- at lunch for a while.  B- admitted the error of her ways.  K- forgave.  Still, the punishment stung enough to not want to repeat. 

I told my coworker that I was so glad that I wasn't the one to pick K- up at school today.  I had to rant about this for a while to a reasonable mom to process it. 

I'm sad for K-.  Did the punishment kill her?  No.  She is a law abiding citizen at school.  If she is at school and the rule would be to walk on her tip toes with a book on her head, she would do it with no questions asked.  She is a people pleaser.  She hates to make mistakes.  The punishment definitely confirmed that she wants to continue to be a good kid.

"K-, did you cry?" 

"I tried not to." 

I hugged her tight when she got home. 

Smiles in my day:
-  That K- talked to us about what happened.  She also fessed up that she had been sent to the detention table once last year for talking at lunch.  I stressed how important it is for her to tell us.  "But mom, I didn't want to get in trouble."  (Trouble at school = trouble at home.)  Still, she came to us this time and did talk to us.  I'm trying to keep an open line of communication.  Obviously, it isn't a perfect line, but we're working on it bit by bit.
-  The head lice issue of yesterday isn't an issue.  All has been attended to.  The teacher thanked me for asking K- not to discuss it.  The child that had told K- had apparently told many children and the teacher had to talk with her about it.

Have a great day!


Rach said...

Alas, teachers are only human. We make mistakes all the time. We don't mean to punish the innocent. The teacher will never know K was wrongly implicated if she doesn't let her know.

I always felt like an absolute heel when I punished a child and later found they had not committed the act for which I had reprimanded them.

Poor K. What a horrible experience. It will stick with her for the rest of her life. When you are so humiliated like that, it's hard to shake it. :o(

I hope you gave her the biggest hug imaginable.

Michelle said...

Oh I bet K felt just awful for having to stand against the wall for something she didn't do :( The person who did that should have had the facts straight before just guessing they were both talking!