My dear, sweet daughter. I love her so. I truly do. When she is exposed to peer pressure and gives in, even though she admits that she knows better, it hurts. When people make fun of her, it hurts me as much as it hurts her.
So, y'all might remember the crayon incident of last year. This year has given us a lunch sharing incident. The lunchtime rule last year was absolutely no sharing. It seemed to be a reasonable rule to me. Apparently, it wasn't carried out across the board. I'll tell you why I think so in just a minute. So, K- knows about the rule. She followed the rule to the letter last year.
She had a harder time with that this year.
She has a friend that likes to share bits and bites of her lunch. Don't get me wrong, generally sharing is a good thing, but when a rule is a rule, we must follow. K- would tell me that she shared bits of her lunch and the other shared bits back. I first started with some gentle reminders.
"K-, you remember that is against the rules, right?"
The next day, rinse and repeat.
"K-, I expect you not to share your lunch tomorrow."
The next day, rinse and repeat.
"But K- you know it is a rule that you aren't allowed to share."
"But mommy, I didn't even get caught."
Hmmm. Like a knife right through the heart. My child knew right from wrong but still chose the wrong path.
"K-, this may seem harsh, but if you share your lunch tomorrow with B-, you will lose your TV. I understand that you don't like the rule. I understand that it may be a rule that you don't want to follow, but there are rules that B-'s mom and I have to follow that we don't want to."
The next day, she did not share her lunch. The last time she shared it, she did so because she was told that she wouldn't be their friend anymore if she didn't. (Her friend had a fondness for the dehydrated marshmallows in K-'s S'mores Goldfish cracker mix.)
A knife straight through her heart. If you really want to take my only child down to complete compliance, tell her that you won't be her friend. She'll walk through fire to keep a friend. In some ways, that is good. It is good to be kind, patient, loving and understanding. It is not good to sacrifice what you know is right from wrong just to retain a friendship.
But she's only 6.
So the sharing thing, I think that her class was so strict on the no sharing policy because of a peanut allergic child. I didn't come to that conclusion until after the whole threat of TV loss bit happened.
Then their is K-'s speech. Her progress has been great. Truly, she is in much better shape than she was last year. Over the summer, she ended up sliding on her "sh" a little. It is a hit and miss. Her "r" tends to be "w."
We had gone on a play date at a friend's house the other day. These are our friends that moved back from Wisconsin. K- and E- have been friends from the very beginning. The girls are 7 weeks apart and even though they experienced 4 years of intermittent play, they always rolled back into playing like they had been together yesterday and the girls truly have never missed a beat-- ever.
They were outside playing and E-'s neighbor friend had come to talk. She is 5 and in kindergarten where E- attends school. When we were on our way home, it seems that fence girl was making fun of K-'s speech. I have to say that K- has become a bit more upset when that happens. I told her that is why she visits with Mrs. D- and that Mrs. D- is doing a good job of pulling all of her words around. I told her about how sorry I was that she was made fun of. "Well mom, at least I'm not Chinese." "You mean speak Chinese?" "Oh, yeah! That's what I meant!" (So as not to offend, most people here only speak English. We have very little exposure to other languages where we live. Yes, it is unfortunate.)
We want K- to grow up and know that she is good enough, smart enough and that people like her. (Yes, channeling Stewart, even though that is my husband's thing.) We don't want her to go against what she knows is correct just to retain a friend.
I don't expect her to be perfect. I suppose that I wouldn't want her to be perfect. I just want her to be her-- quirks and all.
We want her to stand up for herself, but we don't want her to be over-powering and rude. We want her to continue to be considerate and kind, not hard-hearted.
Any words of advice?
Smiles in my weekend:
- K- got her flu shot on Friday after school at the Walgreen's Take Care Clinic. The best part? With only a whimper, she got the shot and it was all good. Last year, it took 5 very big women to hold her at the city Health Department H1N1 Flu Shot Clinic. When I explained to the LPN on duty the massive improvement (yes, I had tears in my eyes as I was so happy and incredibly relieved), she gave K- a pencil for a job well done.
- K- tagged along with me to the Women's Ministry Brunch yesterday. Though she was the only child there, they were happy to have her and she behaved spectacularly.
- K- tagged along with me this evening to choir practice. We went immediately after soccer. In fact, we had to leave a few minutes early from soccer to make the trek back across the county-- from the northernmost to the southern end-- and I sat my fanny down in the choir loft at exactly 4:30 PM. She played with the kids and one 22 month old followed K- everywhere she went. In fact, we had a salad and dessert dinner all together and J- sat right along side K- and loved it! We were able to have a nice time visiting with some folks that I don't normally get to talk to. K- kept J- occupied and we left well fed.
Have a great day!