Monday, December 7, 2009

My original post subject is now completely unimportant.

While attending the festival of many meetings tonight at church, I was able to catch up with Jane and Brian to see how their court date went. In a word, bad.

"They sent the kids back."

I cried and cried. All I could do was to hug her tight and keep telling her how sorry I was. S- and R- were every bit their kids. S- came to them very young, but R- came to them brand crinkly new. He was 2 months premature, if memory serves. (S- was the recipient of many of K-'s hand-me-downs. It always put a smile on my face to see S-dressed up in K-'s clothes.)

Apparently, this decision was all against the advice of anyone having anything to do with the kids as far as advocating for them is concerned. The judge chose to ignore the advice and give the kids back to their biological mother.

The children were returned to the mother right after court.

I cried through the two church meetings. I cried when I got home and told Hubs about what happened. I cried my way through the grocery.

Brian and Jane wanted to adopt these two children. Now they are left with an emptiness in their home.

Working through the county system as a foster-to-adopt parent can be rather trying. Hubs and I knew full well that we were being given a child because of someone else's failings. K- was the 7th child to be removed from her biological mother's custody, so the county had everything streamlined by the time they got to us.

Though we had a side swipe that rattled us, it was a blip on the radar that hardly affected the time frame for adoption anyhow.

Unfortunately, that is not the same for Brian and Jane. Please keep them in your prayers as they now adjust to their little people not being there and underfoot.

My heart just absolutely breaks for them.

Smiles suspended for the evening. Prayer requested instead.


Rach said...

Love the blog changes!!

That said, I'm absolutely devastated for your friends and their family. That is the worst thing I have read in a VERY long time and will be holding them (all of them) in my heart and prayers. What a horrible thing to do to those poor children. :o(

Jamie said...

Ugh, that is just awful. I feel terrible for your friends who have lost their children, and I feel terrible for the children who were uprooted from the only home and family they (probably, given from the ages you mention) knew.

And right before the Holidays? Sickening.

Melissa said...

I am very sorry about your friends..

On a related note, this is a sad story, though I dont know these people. Different than the one you posted about the child not bonding.

I would like to know your thoughts. Its a heartbreaker too since this woman is really having problems with this ones older sister now. But nothing like the problems she was having with him.

Bailey's Leaf said...


Having read the details, the child absolutely had to be removed for the safety of the other children involved.

Do I believe in dissolution of adoption? By and large no. As with everything in life, there is an exception to every rule. Though clearly this boy was not working in their home for a variety of frightening reasons, they ended up seeking care for him and ultimately finding a family for him.

I can imagine that this was very difficult for them. I have a friend who is going through a very difficult time with her son that was internationally adopted.

I'm not saying this of the writer or my friend, however, so often people think that going in and scooping up a child from some far off orphanage is going to be so easy. What they fail to remember is that though they are rescuing a child, what they are rescuing is a child that has been dumped, abused, orphaned and mass-housed. Nearly every child that is adopted is done so because of some failing of someone or some system somewhere. This affects them. Even if adopted at only a young age as our friend's son was, he was still present when his mother passed away. He has attachment issues with my friend, constantly thinking that she is going to die. His mother died when he was 18 months old. That memory will be with him forever.

All the same, I still want people to realize that the story that you mentioned is the exception and certainly not the rule. Just read about famous adoptees:

Amazing the people on the list. Amazing to think of the wonderful things that they accomplished when so many folks think of adopted kids as defective. They aren't. They just have a different family tree than the rest of us.

Thanks for bringing the post to my attention!

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry to hear what your friends are going through :( Those kids will be in my prayers, as will your friends.