Thursday, October 22, 2009

We are THAT Family Blogoversary Celebration: The Amish Party

I'll wish Kristen a Happy 2 year Blogoversary and I celebrate my 1 year Blogoversary tomorrow! But let's get to it, shall we? What is our THAT family moment? Oh, allow me to share!

There is a beautiful little Amish vegetable stand that we visit. We visit it so often that one year, we even took our Christmas card picture there. The family thought it was neat. Since they saw us often, they invited us to their end of the year Customer Appreciation Party.

We were so excited. Hubs even requested the day off work. I mean, how often do you have the opportunity to be invited to an Amish get together? For us, this seemed like a one time gig.

We got ready that day, with K- wearing a little dress and I was wearing a shirt and skirt. We didn't want to look Amish, but we wanted to look respectful. When we arrived, K- wanted to stand in line to ride a little horse cart. There she was, at three years old, on the cart with a little boy. He took her up the hill, around a barn and back. She had so much fun!

We went over and they were roasting hot dogs on a fire. There were chips, salads and ice cold spring water straight from the well. K- was digging on the spring water. She drank and drank again. Then she decided to go to the outhouse.

I should stop to tell you that my daughter LOVES outhouses. If there is ever an opportunity to go to an outhouse and spend an extended period of time in there contemplating the meaning of life (or just plainly taking care of business), our daughter will do it.

Hubs had offered to take K- to the outhouse. They were gone for what seemed like a sweet forever. Hubs was chuckling and waved me on over. I called in to K-, "K-, are you doing okay?" "Yup Mom, just poo*pin'." "Okay." We stand there for probably another 10 minutes and I begin to see what seems to be a silent circle of Amish in need starting to form around the outhouse. "Baby? I think that there are some people who need to . . . " and I opened the door just in time for K- to blow. Folks, she filled the floor of the outhouse in vomit. Hubs looked at me. "What do we do?!" I told him to go and gather some water from somewhere. I mouthed to the one Amish gentleman that my daughter was ill and was there anyway that I could get any water?

Hubs came with two styrofoam cups of water. Folks, two styrofoam cups of water were no match to what K- had done in there. The Amish man had gathered hose and pulled it out for me.

The hose was a foot and a half short.

So, I asked the Amish guy if I could use a bucket? As he went to get the bucket, I asked Hubs to hold the outhouse door and I reached over the moat of puke for K-. When I set her down on the ground, I was mortified when I stood back to take a look.

Dress up and covered in puke.

Panties down around her ankles.

Wad of toilet paper jammed between her cheeks. All this with an Amish audience.

I removed the wad, yanked the panties up, pulled the dress down and poured the two styrofoam glasses of water that Hubs brought to me down K-'s dress to remove some of the mess that she was wearing. I then had her stand there with Hubs as I did my best re-enactment of mucking out the stalls as what I could muster. I was in a cap sleeved shirt, a skirt to the knees and leather flip flops while slinging buckets of water into the outhouse to clear it out. After about the 4th or 5th bucket of water, the kind Amish gentleman offered to handle the rest of it for me. (Most of it was handled and only a little remained.)

We walked very quietly to the car. Our vehicle was parked kind of in front of the party. It was still back a little bit, so I quietly and behind the door took K-'s messed dress off of her. I took it to the back of the car to put in a plastic bag. I asked Hubs to snap her into her car seat.

I heard the car door close. Then I heard feet. It was Hubs with K- walking to the back of the car. "Why do you have her out here in front of the Amish party with her panties and a pair of sandals on?!"

"There was a car coming."

"It is an Amish dirt road. They would have quietly passed."

So, not only did we have our kid puke at the Amish party, but the poor folks were afraid that she got sick on something she ate there. Then on our attempt at a quiet exit, my husband ended up parading a puked on kid in only her underpants and sandals in front of a bunch of conservative Amish.

No, we were never invited back! (Not that I think they held anything against us, but because we weren't there at the invite time of year.) Our quite embarrassing THAT family moment.

Smiles in my day:
- Giant Eagle was so understanding when I went with my $320.00 worth of antibiotics for K- and asked them to pretty please make it strawberry flavored. They did it quickly and with no charge. Hooray! K- still thought it tasted yucky. :( I made her take it anyhow, because I'm just that kind of mom.
- K-'s cough has improved so much. Hooray for good antibiotics!
- Hubs laughing to near tears when I told him about posting this story. "Did you remember to say . . . ?" So we tossed details back and forth to confirm I got it all. You'd be glad to know that my memory served me well. How could it not in this case?

7 comments:

Rach said...

LOL! We have so many *that* family moments I would be hard-pressed to pick just one. :oP

THE CELLULITE ANALYST said...

My post for today involved an Amish story, too, but it's not at all as funny as yours! I hope your little one is too young to remember this in later years, or too bold to care!

We are THAT Family said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

I can totally relate.

Only it happened to my son in a Mexican restaurant.

On Valentine's Day.

Seriously.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I may have to repost the Chipotle story :)
I remember this. And sorry, but I laughed again.
Hope K is feeling more like herself again (and still hoping the rest of the house stays healthy).

Bailey's Leaf said...

How can you not laugh? The visual alone . . .

Jamie said...

I remember reading that the first time and thought oh how embarrassing.

I've had many experiences with Bailey that have made me want to crawl under a rock. Worst probably being when she was about 5 and tipped over a grandfather clock and broke it during a temper tantrum in a store. The manager saw she was clearly not a typical child and didn't make us pay for it. I was glad for that.

Michelle said...

oh my goodness! What a spectacle that must have been! Poor K!

I'm glad her cough is doing better!