Saturday, October 10, 2009

Things I've learned not to tell my kid.

Through the years, we've learned different ways that K- copes with things. If she knows something is coming up like a doctor's appointment, she'll get very anxious and obnoxious. That is why though we signed K- up for speech therapy (to ditch the cute "bamily" thing among other mispronunciations), we chose not to tell her. Why do I tell you this? Because my mom did the same thing to me when I was in the 7th grade and I was so mad! Here I was in the same situation as my mom. That same situation that I was mad at her for so long for. As for me, I was put into a remedial math class. Oh, I could spell the pants off anyone. I just couldn't do the math on the way there. I was going into 7th grade though. I'd had enough time with kids making fun of me. I'm sure mom made the choice regarding the math class for the same reason we did with K-'s speech therapy. She knew that I wouldn't want to go to school.

So, the speech therapy came up. We had been talking with the pediatrician about it, and had a long discussion about it at her last well check. The pediatrician stated that she could see where K-'s speech was improving and she suggested that we wait for speech therapy in school. She said that way, she could continue to improve on her own and she didn't see it as bad enough to need supplemental speech therapy. The paper came home, as we expected, I signed it and got the call from the speech therapist. She said that she'd be taking K- once a week for a type of group therapy. She asked if I had any questions. The one I could think of was, "I just don't want her to feel like she is missing out on anything." She explained that she takes the kids out when it is the least impacting time.

So K- got in the car yesterday and showed me her new folder from Mrs. D-. "So K-, what does Mrs. D- do with you?" "Mommy, she helps me with my sounds." "Is this the first day that you've gone to see Mrs. D-?" "No. I've seen her three times now! Last week, we played BINGO!" Now mind you, I had been asking her in a not specific way about whether she had gone or not. We didn't want to stress her out if she hadn't, because then she wouldn't want to go to school. m0m0m0m0m0 (K- has been typing for me a minute.) At any rate, yes, she goes, she likes it and all is well. She didn't see it as a big enough change to mention. That's a good thing. We have more homework now, though. I'm not complaining, but add more time onto the already 45 minutes worth. It's good. We're getting a rhythm.

So, another thing that I've learned not to tell my kid is about upcoming events. My sister taught me this. I learned a big lesson this summer when I made a stupid assumption that we were being invited to something. It was a family thing for K- and she was very sad. So I learned this time not to mention family birthdays to K- anymore. Turns out that it was a good move. There is another birthday coming up. In discussing things a few months ago, K- was asking about a family birthday. Her question? "Mommy, do you think that I'll be invited this time?" All I could say was, "Baby, I don't know." It puts us in a weird place. K-'s family is not a typical family structure. When the kids were younger, we could get together more often. Now we can rely on K-'s Birthday/Family Christmas celebration in December and our annual "Bamily" Easter egg hunt in the spring. Kids are growing up. Finances are tanked. My kid doesn't understand this, though. All she knows is that she wants to love on her siblings. It doesn't matter whether it is rolling around in the mud, or taking a hike through the woods. For this, I'm exceedingly sad for her. She doesn't need to walk away being a part of a themed party. She'd just enjoy kicking back and playing with Ninja Turtles and Barbies. (Probably all in the same play house, knowing K-.) I feel bad for her, but I remain silent. She needn't know. All she'd do is cry for days. Argh.


Rach said...

First off, good move on the speech front. This will help her with her reading and spelling as well. I can't tell you how many kiddos I taught made HUGE leaps and gains once they had speech services.

Second, there are things I just don't tell Lil too, for the same reasons. I'm sorry she doesn't get to get together with her birth family like before. That has to be very frustrating for you as her parent. :o(

As for my keys, well, the Sisters are searching high and low for them, but I'm afeared they're just gone for good. :sigh:

Michelle said...

I'm glad to hear she's taking the speech therapy in stride and that it seems to be fun for her!

So sorry about the non-invite for the bday party though :( that's gotta be hard on your heart knowing that it hurts K :(

Bailey's Leaf said...

Again, I know that the non-invite isn't a we-hate-you kind of thing. The parents of sibs are folks we've known for, well, since my other job at the old gallery-- 11 years +. (We all worked together while we were without children.) It is purely a financial thing and I understand. A home baked cake and cheapo ice cream around the kitchen table? She would have been thrilled with that. There are times that she longs to see them and since we are a little more spread out than we used to be, it just isn't as easy anymore.


ChupieandJ'smama said...

J might need a little speech too. They are still evaluating that at school and will let me know. He has a lisp (that I totally never noticed until they pointed it out last May).

I'm sorry about the family situation. I can only imagine how difficult that must be on her and you. Hoping that they can all get together more so she can get her fill of family time.