Friday, August 7, 2009

Comfort in my own skin.

I'll often tell people that a big turning point in life was the 8 1/2 days that I spent in the hospital during the Bailey episode. Six months after that, I turned 30. People asked how I was with turning the "Big 3-0" and I said wonderful. I was very nearly not here, so turning 30 seemed pretty good to me.

Lately, though, I've found even more comfort in my own skin. Soon, I'll be 36.

I don't have "squares in my stomach" anymore, as one guy I dated used to refer to them. I have the mid-thirties pooch. Not huge, but certainly not flat anymore. That's okay. Low rise jeans accommodate for that.

My hair is peppered in gray. That's okay. It keeps me on my toes when it is really humid. My hair can wire up into crazy curls anyhow. You should see what those wild grays can do!

My skin isn't perfect. Truth be told, it never was. I have dark circles under my eyes that with the help of Cover Girl Aquasmoothers, they aren't nearly as visible. The teenage breakouts? Yup, they still happen. I've found that double rinsing the bed sheets has resolved much of that, though. My pores are bigger, but I get that from my mom. I also have a few wild chin hairs that I swear crop up at an inch in length overnight. I've been known to pull them with jewelry pliers at work. It shows that I can be creative in a pinch regarding facial hair removal.

My thighs rub together. I made a pact with a college friend that I would never ever have thighs that rub together. I believe that he swore that he wouldn't have a beer gut. The thighs? Not the end of the world. Would I rather they be not be a zone of much friction? Sure. I'm walking. I'm working on it. I'm glad that I have legs, though. I'm glad that they function for me and if they are going to rub together, there are certainly worse things that they could do.

I'm a hair under 5' 1". That's okay. I can promise you that I never have pants that are too short.

I wear an A. That's okay, I promise you that I have no back problems whatsoever from "the girls," don't stretch shirts all out in front and am so excited if there is something that I'm wearing that shows a hint of cleavage. That happens rarely. I have to mention that anytime it does, Hubs always notices.

The back behind? It's gotten bigger. However, I have something to sit on and Hubs doesn't seem to mind it in the slightest. He still pinches a cheek and tells me, "Nice butt!" God bless him.

The tendons? They seem to get angry now. But, I have muscles that allow me to lift and tendons that help. My thumb has discontinued locking for now. The bicep tendon seemed to have held up to the heave ho-ing of the patio gravel, and that is a good thing. I know people who have bodies that don't quite cooperate with them as well, so a pain here or a tweak there-- that's okay. Ibuprophen doesn't hurt either.

My joints pop and crack. I can lay in bed, flex my left foot and my left knee will crack. I attribute that to the ACL surgery. My toes continually crack. In the cold weather, my right hip will pop all day long. I can lay on the floor, take a deep breath and the bones in my upper back and neck will crack. That is from a lovely case of whiplash from when my Trans Am was totaled. The popping and cracking make K- giggle. I have the hearing to hear my joints and I have functional joints that allow me to move. I know others with joint issues that aren't quite as easily laughed at or ignored.

Comfortable in my own skin? Yup. I'm good with that. This is the body that the Lord gave me. With all of the wrinkles, grayness, cellulite, popping, cracking, aches, pains and whatnot, it is my temple. It is a gift to me so that I may be a blessing to others. Now if I can only do all that is hoped of me.

Smiles in my day:
- Date day with K-. By her request, we had lunch first. We shared a bowl of Cheddar Broccoli Soup at Panera, that little by little she scooted her way until it was completely hers. We ran through Office Max for 1 cent folders. We went on to the Akron Art Museum for the Wegman exhibit, giggled at all of the "bare brea*sts, Mommy!" and drove home to get the laundry off the line before it rained. (It never did rain.) We took a trial run walk to the school. We wanted to get an idea of how long it would take us to walk. It was 15 minutes one way, and K- was able to play for a while before heading back.
- Taking a zipadeedodah to Super Wal tonight and seeing a hot air balloon. My parents only live 10 minutes away and I remember seeing hot air balloons all the time as I was growing up. At our house, we are in the flight path of a small airport, so no hot air balloons (besides the Goodyear blimp), no kites, no remote control aircraft (which frankly, I'm fine with) and no star pointers (which I had to call the FAA about when Hubs was conducting a park program on constellations at a park on the other side of the airport. BTW, they said no to the high powered laser star pointer.) I took the hot air balloons for granted when I was a kid, since summer was filled with them. Now, if it is a balloon, it is a silver football with fins. It's just not the same.
- Starting to move the patio gravel. Hubs laughed. Apparently, the wheel on the wheel barrow needs air. That may have helped. I did get 1/3 of the yard of gravel moved.
- K- curling up in our bed with us at about 3 AM. She had a nightmare about Swiper taking her bedtime toys. She crawled in, made herself comfy and fell right to sleep. Nevermind that she left me clinging to the edge of the bed with the 3" that she left me. That's okay. I was happy to have her warm little body curled up next to us.

2 comments:

Rach said...

I'm comfortable being 32 (almost 33). Age has never bothered me. I'm a bit peeved about the shape of my body at the moment, but, we're working on that. Really, it's not so much the *shape* as the need to be *healthier*. :sigh:

Thanks for the positive vibes about preschool. I'm SO sorry yours in under capacity, but keeping my fingers crossed this MAY work out to my advantage.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I am not so comfortable being so close to 40. I admit it freely. I've got lots of things that aren't so good. No more squares, thighs rubbing together, girls hanging down to there, a butt that's sagging to the equator (hubs doesn't seem to notice any of this so that's a good thing)and wrinkles on my wrinkles. I'm trying to over look all of this but it's hard to over look it when I can't see past my sagging eye lids ;)